Cheapest Person I Know -- 7th Edition

Mets Moocher

Reader Donb1123 says:

I was lucky to get my hands on two Mets playoff tickets back in 2000. I invited my best friend. I drove, paid for gas, EZ pass and parking and I didn't even get a beer out of it. Cheap best friend.

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Hoagie Half-er

Reader Tmps77says:

This guy I work with is a pharmacist, so he is easily pulling in 90,000, maybe more. He's single, no girlfriend, no kids. Anyway, every night for dinner he orders a hoagie. For those of you who are not familiar with a hoagie, it's a bunch of different lunch meats on an Italian roll. So anyway, like clockwork, when his hoagie comes, he pulls a roll of aluminum foil from his backpack and proceeds to take off about 1/2 the meat from the hoagie. One time I finally had to ask what he was doing. He said that it was for lunch tomorrow. Now there is one thrifty fellow.
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Hand Towel = Toilet Paper

Reader ElmireRod1919 says:

I have an aunt [who] doesn't even use toilet paper, she uses a hand towel and rewashes it. Now that's what I call cheap.

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Houseguest From Hell

Reader Judygoldengate says:

I have a long-time friend who only calls or contacts me when she and her spouse are passing through in a north or south direction and need a free Bed & Breakfast -- at my house. The last time they were here, my friend complained about the guest room I put them in (middle bedroom instead of front bedroom) and also arrived at 10:30 PM at which time I served homemade soup and sandwiches. While we were eating she said to everyone at my table, let's hurry and eat this food so we can all go to bed.
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Every Dime Matters

Reader Govols326 says:

One of my coworkers normally collects orders from everyone and goes and picks up food for us. One night one of our cheapskate coworkers was pretty miffed when he discovered one of his normal value menu selections had gone up and he spent an extra dime that night. This guy inherited his parents' money and is working for the insurance pretty much and is about as cheap as anyone you'll ever meet.

Next: Another Tightwad Tale

Free Refills ... Forever?

Reader Govols326 says:

My wife's friend and her mother have a collection of restaurant cups that they take back and get free drinks on return trips. Hopefully they will be caught someday and arrested.

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Sneaky Way to Save on Gas

Reader Saramurphy100 says:

My upstairs neighbor was so cheap, she called me and asked if I wanted to go shopping. I was new in town, she seemed nice enough, what the heck, right? She told me to drive, OK, although I really did not know my way around well, but I didn't care. As we drove off she turned to me and said sucker, ha ha we're using your gas! I got you to drive so I didn't have to! Wonderful. Same neighbor, hey come have wine with me, oh yeah and bring it!!!! Enough of that one.

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Recycled Bathwater

Reader MsECEC2 says:

My boss recycles her bathwater. She uses it to wash her car, wash her hair, clean the house, water the flowers, mop the floors. And get this, she puts a little bleach in it and uses it to wash her dishes.

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Cut the Condiments?

Reader FearStoneCold1 says:

I know a fellow employee that is so cheap that when we went inside McDonald's, he asked the manager how much cheaper would their single burger be without the ketchup and pickle!!!!!

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Lottery Looney

Reader SGetts2000 says:

Our lottery pool was being collected. $2 per person. The previous drawing won a small amount which is normally continued on to the next drawing. One pool member demanded his winnings, a whopping 23 cents. The volunteer for collecting the pool money gave him a quarter and he refused to give her the two cents when asked about it. Imagine if we had won. Man loses share of millions for twenty three cents.

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Tip Take-Back

Reader ARLENE925A says:

I took a friend out to dinner for his birthday, I paid for the meal and left a tip. The cheapskate returned to the table and took the tip, [and] said he could use the money to purchase cigarettes.

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Do You Take a Check?

Reader Penny98006 says:
I know a guy who stopped by to watch a football game, and when the pizza showed up he ate two slices of pizza but tossed the second one down halfway through. When the conversation came around to a beer run collection he said, "You know I don't drink," so we decided to ask him (as an inside joke) to contribute to the pizza cost. He said well I ate a slice and a half -- how much is the whole thing? We said 8 bucks with tip, and he proceeded to do the math on 1.5 slices at cost and then took out his checkbook. He was going to write a check to each of us for 75 cents.
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Toilet Paper Rationing

Reader Damdawn says:

My ex's aunt never kept toilet paper in the bathroom; it was rationed. for the girls you got three squares for "#1" and five squares for "#2." For the boys zero squares for "#1" and five squares for "#2."

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Ants on Donut

Reader Perisusy1 says:

The family got up to eat donuts one morning, and ants were all over them. My husband got the [vacuum] out and sucked the ants off the donuts and ate. We all stood in horror and watched him eat two more donuts as he sucked up the trail of ants from the counter.

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Six Pack-Less

Reader SteamRocks says:

I told a bud to come over to my apartment and we would have dinner, but could he pick up a 6-pack on the way. When he came in, I asked about the 6-pack, and instead he pulls out an 8 x 10 portrait of his out-of-town girlfriend, and says, "This is who I am saving my money to go and see, do you want me to not see her just to buy you a 6-pack?" Really, I'm NOT making this stuff up! He went home hungry that night.

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Wedding Request ... Denied

Reader Scoobhist says:

My mother-in-law wanted my husband and [me] to steal packages of ketchup from local fast food restaurants to serve to my guests at my wedding dinner. I couldn't believe she really was so cheap. I told her not to worry, buying a bottle of ketchup would not put me out too much. I even told her I'd throw in a bottle of mustard and mayo if she liked.

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Bummer Barbecue

Reader Donut999 says:
One time we were passing through the town [a friend] lived in and he invited us to stop for a cookout. We did, he served 1 oz. burgers and hot dogs so small they looked like cocktail wieners. There were four adults and two kids around five or seven. He fixed three burgers, and three hot dogs. He only had ketchup since he and wife did not like mustard and saw no reason to buy any. The clincher though is this. This was pre gas grill days. He lit the charcoal, put the food on way too soon, and had his wife take the dogs and burgers off while he raced around with a hose putting the fire out so he could recycle the charcoal.
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Other People's Popcorn

Reader User821515 says:

My friend was so cheap as a teenager he used to eat the leftover popcorn from the movie that people left from the previous movie.

Next: Another Tightwad Tale

Birthday Bill

Reader Sushurtado says:
A year before my niece's 15th b-day my sister started to plan a 15'era (coming of age party). My sister asked a bunch of us family members if we wanted to participate and of course we all said yes. But to our surprise a week later we received a bill with a monthly payment schedule of what she was expecting each of us to pay, and to top it off she would charge us a late fee if she didn't receive the payment on time. My sister has more then enough money to pay for a party like this on her own. We all thought it was funny and would send the payment in late anyways.
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Cents-Off Coupons

Reader simah1123 says:

My neighbor saves all cents-off coupons she can put a hand on and peddles them to all of us and asks us to pay her the face value. I feel like giving her a donation every time.

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