Diversification is a common approach for companies that wish to insulate themselves from market shifts. I've rarely seen an example as amusing, though, as that behind the Christian dating service BigChurch.com. The site, which proports to 'Bring people together in love and faith," is owned by the porn purveyor Penthouse Media Group Inc.

BigChurch.com, which claims almost half a million members, queries potential members about their goals. Among the choices are 'to find a prayer partner' and 'find a Bible study partner'. There are no drop-down boxes to check for three-ways or dominatrix. The survey also asks about the respondent's relationship with God. "Oh God Oh God Oh God!" is not one of the menu responses.

I'm guessing this story, which was broken by Jennifer Odornêz in this week's Newsweek, will bring the site crashing down like the walls of Jericho. Until then, members should understand that a cross dresser is not someone who wears a religious artifact.

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File this under the heading of "What will they think of next?" The condom marketer Lifestyles has put a new spin on an old photo booth. Gone are the days when you and your love could snuggle, giggle and mug it up in the five-for-a-quarter photo booth. Back then, you dropped in your coin and you got a strip of black and white snap shots. These days you put in your money, pose for some snaps and you could get your pictures along with... you guessed it... condoms.

Lifestyles brand debuted its novel new photo booth concept in January at the Sundance Film Festival in Utah. Since that time, the company has expressed an interest in having more of the booths built for placement in large city clubs. Personally, I think the idea would present too much of a logistical nightmare for the company to be of any real value. I think the idea is more of a timely yet quirky publicity stunt.

Now, I have some ideas for other ways to move condoms. They could give them out at gas stations for when you get screwed at the pump. Or how about having the IRS send condoms out on a regular basis to taxpayers? In that scenario, they might want to furnish some complimentary KY Jelly also. My state Department of Motor Vehicles could put one in the envelope along with the yearly vehicle registration payment notice they send. We might also start looking for them in with those handy Social Security benefit estimates we're supposed to get each year.

Kudos to Lifestyles for coming up with an original condom awareness device. The approach is to be admired for its novelty. But honestly folks, It's my opinion that photo booths are for picture taking and they should be reserved for that purpose. Condoms on the other hand, are for... well... you know.

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I'm not one to follow the travails of America's debutantes and their persecution by paparazzi. However, I have been puzzled by the brouhaha this week that has broken out over Hannah Montana's photos in Vanity Fair. The pics show Mily Cyrus, the actress/singer who portrays the television character, wrapped in a sheet, revealing considerably less skin than would be on display in a bikini.

What no-one seems to be discussing is that the photos were taken by photographer Anne Liebowitz, certainly the most renown and one of the most artistic of current-day photographers. She's not a sleaze-monger, and her photos of celebrities, many gracing the cover of Rolling Stone, are among the most praised of this art form.

I'm guessing this is another instance of the morality police, who wouldn't know art if you wrapped it around a brick and hit them between the eyes with it, dragging Joe Average into their sex-obsessed version of reality. The same people fantasize about taking a hammer to the package of Michelangelo's David.

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Michael Salzhauer, a Florida plastic surgeon and father of four, recently sat down to address a nagging question; how do mommies explain to their four to seven year old children how she suddenly gained three cup sizes or lost those well-earned worry lines? His answer? A picture book, of course.

My Beautiful Mommy, which Salzhauer paid to have printed, explains to the youngsters all about Mommy's new boobs, button nose and lipoed derriere. According to aPARENTly Speaking, the poor, frumpy mother explains that "As I got older, my body stretched and I couldn't fit into my clothes anymore." The theme? "Mommy won't be different, just prettier!" Can't you just picture her daughter, so very eager to grow up so she can start visiting Dr. Michael just like Mommy?

The book is available from Big Tent Books for only $19.95. If you find yourself tempted to order, perhaps you should donate your organs to science instead. Now.

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Get it on paper! If you come away from this video of Wal-Mart executives dressed in drag with only one tip, it's this: Remember to get your business dealings down on paper! (well, that and to avoid dressing in drag in front of a camera unless you want to be a Youtube star. )This rather embarrassing and possibly litigious situation could have easily been avoided if somebody, I don't care who, had taken the time to get a paragraph signed stating that Wal-Mart owned the content of these meetings. Even though Flagler Productions recorded the meetings for Wal-Mart it isn't apparent to me that the company actually produced anything; rather, it acted as a simple recorder of events.

While Wal-mart contends that the videos are of little interest to outsiders; a slew of anti-discrimination lawyers, documentary makers and late show audience members will likely disagree. If this goes to court it will be very interesting to see how the judge rules, given the intent of the parties and agreements which exist solely in the memories of two parties with significant stakes in the outcome.

I have to side with Wal-Mart in this instance, because no reasonable company would save a few bucks to pass on control of video from internal company events and meetings. The risks of doing so greatly outweigh any initial savings and I believe a judge will reach the same conclusion. Of course by the time any rulings have been made Flagler Productions may have already released footage of senior management dressed in bikinis rocking out to Bon Jovi.

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Own a hotel that's struggling to make ends meet? You could do worse than offer the governor a place to shack up with a top-drawer hooker. The Mayflower Hotel in D.C. has enjoyed a burst of business in the wake of Eliot Spitzer's flameout.

According to the Washington Post, the hotel's gift shop has experienced a huge demand for swag bearing the hotel's name, from terry-cloth bath robes to coffee shops and even mints. I knew I should have rushed t-shirts into production that said "Client 9" and "Five Diamonds," which would be perfect for the shop.

Unfortunately, not all commemoratives were purchased; guests have been helping themselves liberally to logoed room furnishings. Even the room number of Spitzer's last stand was stolen off the door.

The scandal has also drawn a number of curious tourists to the hotel, which strikes me as a bit futile, like trying to experience Babe Ruth's swing by staring at his footlocker. I wonder, though, just how many couples will reserve a room at the Mayflower for the opportunity to enjoy a little role playing? Who would have imagined playing Governor of New York could be so sexy?

If you're my age, you might recall the details of former NY governor Nelson Rockefeller's demise with admiration, and a sense that the more things change, the more they don't.

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When I was a tot, a woman would have to have a transfusion of perfume for the scent to penetrate the ubiquitous cloud of cigarette smoke. Now, however, in the wake of growing no-smoke zones, our recovering olfactory senses are able to pick up more subtle odors. Ironically, this too is creating a problem.

The problem is that the increasing use of perfumes to scent the air in tony stores, dirty homes and tennis shoes has resulted in allergic reactions by many. The current campaigns for body scents such as Axe have inspired one Minnesota legislator to propose a campaign for scent-free schools.

I'm not fond of wading through the boudoir-like atmosphere permeating the makeup counters at our local department stores, so I'm sure I wouldn't enjoy sharing a room with a bunch of Axe-wielding teens. However, I'm equally sure that the answer is not to be found in the odor of the natural human.

Perhaps the answer is moderation. Or nose filters. Throwing out the Axe might be a good idea, too. Instead of body scent, try taking a shower, for crying out loud.

A clean body - now, that's sexy. And hypoallergenic.

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Looking over the recent Spitzer mess, it seems that there are two basic issues at hand. The first is the hypocrisy that Governor Spitzer displayed; just like everybody else, I agree that it was completely unforgivable and certainly warrants his humiliation and (hopefully) prosecution. Simply speaking, there is no way to justify the fact that he so flagrantly broke the same laws that he aggressively defended. At the end of the day, rectitude cuts both ways and if you want to be a self-righteous ass about defending the law, then you should be equally strict about upholding it.

The trouble is, though, that Spitzer's disaster points toward a bigger problem in American society. To put it bluntly, the United States' position toward prostitution is inefficient, expensive, and, frankly, misogynistic. In fact, while the Spitzer disaster has been unfolding, I've been struck by the sheer volume of prostitution stories that I've seen in the newspapers. Over the past couple of days, I've stumbled across articles about sex trafficking, pimping, sexual imprisonment, the arrest of prostitutes, and assorted other scandals. Rather than being an aberration, it seems that Eliot's embarrassment is just one example of an all too common blight on the American social landscape.

It doesn't have to be like this. When I was younger, I once wandered through the sex districts in Amsterdam and spoke with people in the city's Prostitution Information Center, I have seen how a city could, potentially, make prostitution safe, both for the customers and for the sex workers. I have a few problems with Amsterdam's sex industry, but I think that it is infinitely preferable to America's approach, largely because it enables the Dutch authorities to directly address many of the dangers of prostitution.

Here, then, are a few reasons that the U.S. should seriously change its perspective on the sex industry:

Legal or not, prostitution is here to stay: In addition to being the world's oldest profession, prostitution is also its most resilient. Almost every society in human history has a record of some form of prostitution, legal or otherwise. In fact, even those societies that refused to acknowledge the existence of prostitution, such as the Soviet Union, still had a flourishing sex industry; as the Andrei Chikatilo case demonstrated. The question, then, is obvious: if this practice has been a part of every human society since the beginning of recorded history, why do lawmakers think that they can make it go away? Prostitution, like earwax, balding, and heart disease, appears to be a part of the human animal and no amount of enforcement will ever make it go away.

Illegal prostitution is dangerous: By making prostitution illegal, lawmakers place the industry squarely in the hands of pimps, hustlers, and other criminal groups. A study of the effects of criminalizing the sex industry in Sweden showed that, by making prostitution illegal, the country put its prostitutes at risk and encouraged dangerous sex practices. Also, by doing so, lawmakers take sex acts out of brothels and other relatively safe enclosures and force them into the streets. Finally, illegal prostitution, ironically, benefits the criminals involved in sex trafficking: by making it dangerous for sex workers to approach the police, these laws actually protect the men who kidnap or otherwise endanger them.

Criminalized prostitution undermines women: One of the standard rejoinders against legalized prostitution is that it puts women at a disadvantage. However, an analysis of the sex industry in Mexico, New Zealand, and the Netherlands suggests that legalized prostitution is safer, healthier, and more lucrative for women. While legalized prostitution will not eliminate abusive pimps and sex trafficking it seems to make these problems easier to address and thus easier to prosecute. Moreover, by strictly regulating prostitution, authorities makes it possible to extend health care to an endangered segment of the population; this, in turn, gives communities the opportunity to reduce STDs.

Criminalization of prostitution is expensive: Every year, the United States spends billions of dollars catching, prosecuting, and imprisoning men and women who are involved in the sex trade. This ties up the legal system, crowds prisons, and unfairly targets sex workers while often allowing their employers to go free. As some writers have noted, housing prostitutes would be far less expensive than imprisoning them. A well-regulated and taxed prostitution industry could fill America's coffers, rather than empty them out.

Given the fact that conservatives and liberals, Republicans and Democrats, all seem to agree that prostitution is a blight on the human landscape, it seems unlikely that America's position on the sex industry will shift any time soon. This means, of course, that public spectacles like the Spitzer humiliation will remain a part of the national scenery, being constantly re-enacted every couple of years in a spectacular waste of money, time, and energy. This ensures that, in the end, the taxpayer is the one who gets screwed.

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He wishes to point out, in the strongest possible terms, that legalized prostitution wouldn't personally benefit him in the slightest

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In Dr. Strangelove, General Ripper starts WWIII because he is convinced the commies wanted to sap his precious bodily fluids. Now comes news of a ground-breaking idea in the entertainment and conception business that does just that. Sperm For Tickets is an Irish internet-based business that has been test-marketing the concept of offering free tickets to the European music gathering in exchange for precious bodily fluids.

Apparently, the site's clients, clinics in Ireland strapped for male seed, are looking for access to the swimmers of healthy, music-loving guys. Unfortunately, for you, our reader, the company was swamped with respondents that requested a 'donation pack', i.e. specimen bottle and courier mailer, and followed through as directed in order to claim their free tickets.

According to NME.com, sperm donations in Ireland had dried up by 40%. Here, they seem to have hit the mother lode with this concept (although I suspect Sperm for Beer would do even better).

Now, if we could only get them to discard the seed of those who choose tickets to see (band you despise the most).

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In the midst of the recent Spitzer scandal, my wife asked me a particularly interesting question. During a discussion of the Governor's dual life, her boss asked why men would go to prostitutes in the first place. My wife had no idea, and passed the question on to me.

I would like to point out, for the record, that I have no professional knowledge of prostitution, from either end of the transaction; apart from a brief stint as an artists' model in college, I have never taken off my clothes for money. However, I do read a lot, and have done a fair bit of research into sexual politics and theory, and own a copy of Xaviera Hollander's The Happy Hooker. That having been said, I also wandered all over the internet!

Although there are numerous reasons for hiring a prostitute, most of them seem to fit within three key categories:

Dueling Lives: Many men visit prostitutes because doing so allows them to express a portion of their personality that they are not able to indulge at home. Part of this is the Madonna-whore Complex, which afflicts many men, particularly those raised in a traditionally religious context or those reared by a cold and distant mother. Sufferers of the Madonna-whore complex often regard sexual urges as base, unclean, or animalistic. In this context, it is difficult to associate one's wife -- the mother of one's children -- with sex, particularly when it comes to unusual or "kinky" behaviors. One solution is to seek the services of a prostitute, which makes it possible for the individual to engage in sexual pleasures without compromising his respect for his wife.

An analog of this is the desire to indulge pleasures that the prospective "john" would be too embarrassed to discuss with his wife. For example, Samantha Waters, a former professional "escort," noted that "one guy asked if he could dress up in women's clothes and requested that I call him Christine instead of Chris and paint his toenails." For men who can afford it, a prostitute offers the option to live out a fantasy while maintaining a comfortable marital relationship.

Scratching an Itch: For some men, prostitutes are simply a way of releasing tension. Many clients seem to cite the ease and clear-cut nature of the prostitute/john relationship. Separated from the context of a permanent relationship or marriage, prostitution transforms sex into a simple, straightforward transaction, rather than a small part of a much more complex relationship. Also, because they pay prostitutes, clients can view this as an economic transaction, rather than as an infidelity.

Thrill of the Transaction: Some men cite the "thrill of the transaction." This may be related to the illicit nature of prostitution. As most 21-year-olds will attest, drinking is a lot more fun when it's illegal. Similarly, the fact that prostitution is illegal in most of the United States can make it extremely attractive to a certain segment of the population.

Another aspect of the sexual transaction is the power that it gives the purchaser. Waters notes that wealthy clients "are very arrogant, and they bring their power in society behind closed doors with them. The more white collar gentlemen want the risky behavior." This fits the profile of Spitzer, who allegedly asked his call girl to perform "unsafe" acts.

There has been considerable internet speculation about the exact nature of the "unsafe acts" that Governor Spitzer engaged in. At this point, I wish to end all speculation: Spitzer's notorious "unsafe act" was hiring a high-priced call girl while posing as a crusading statesman!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. Even if he could afford a prostitute, he's way too "frugal" to waste the money.

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A recent Cal Tech study showed that when people think they are drinking an expensive wine, different areas of the brain are stimulated than if they are given the same wine and told it is cheap. The conclusion? Believing a wine is expensive truly makes it taste better.

Perhaps that in part accounts for Eliot Spitzer's taste for multi-diamond hookers. Paying $4,000 or more a pop was likely an important aspect of his fantasy, because the pleasure of such an experience is not wholly contained in the moment of culmination. Like most human pleasures, anticipation is a crucial part of the experience, and the buildup given these professional women by the marketing of the Emperor's Club was probably something that excited him for days before, as he worked himself into a state where he could make the call, that accompanied him on the plane to D.C., and titillated him all the way to his suite in a Washington hotel.

Sure, he could have picked up a 'one-club' prostitute on the streets of Albany, but that would have added nothing to the deluded fantasy world that existed in his mind.

When I was avidly bicycling, I was happy with my cheap Japanese bike until I found out about the Colnago, the epitome of Italian velo-art. For a while, a Colnago was all I could think about.

Perhaps Spitzer was similarly mesmerized by the concept of a "seven diamonds" hooker. A man accustomed to luxury goods, he probably derived a great deal of pleasure anticipating what unimaginable delights he might experience at the hands of a seven-diamonds prostitute.

I'm therefore convinced that his actions weren't about the friction of body parts. They served a need much deeper, and sadder. Within this powerful, successful, ostensibly family-loving man there must be another Spitzer. This Spitzer is a little man who, despite all his accomplishments, continues to demand more; more love, more power, more excitement. A little man that, if he isn't content by now, never will be. Who knows why his needs are unquenchable? This little man managed to grab the controls and, putting his foot on the throat of Spitzer's sense of right and wrong, dignity and intelligence, drove him into the wreck of his career and perhaps his family.

So why is news of Spitzer's fall so compelling to us? Perhaps it excites the little person inside each of us, who sees it as an indication that he too might some day be able to grab the controls and send us careening down the road to our own self-destruction.

Knowing the price of Spitzer's transgression makes it taste all the more foul. When the mighty fall, all the world becomes a little darker place, and the little men rejoice.

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This post is part of our series on people, places and things finding new life in 2008.

Call it "green" or think of it as post-modern, but Hollywood seems to be deeply committed to recycling.

Indiana Jones, X-Files, Batman, the Hulk, Harry Potter, and the Mummy will all soon be returning to the big screen. Even Star Trek will boldly go where it has gone, uh, ten times before.

I admit, I am a-tingle about the return of Indy and (hopefully) his bullwhip. I was a teenage girl during the original trilogy run, and Harrison Ford's performance imprinted on me as the very definition of masculine sexy. Me and Dr. Jones, we had a thing going on. And although Batman has never moved me in that way, I will probably go see Dark Knight out of respect for the late, great Heath Ledger's swan song as the Joker.

But some of these comebacks, like X-Files, make me feel the way I do when I happen to be listening to an "oldies" station and hear the Barenaked Ladies. Or when VH1 rolled out I Love the 90s. Dude. It's too soon.

Nostalgia can't be rushed to the table. Pop culture, the good stuff, needs to be left alone in the dark and forgotten about, before you can uncork it as vintage. The bad kind never does get any better.

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This post is part of our series on people, places and things that have found new life in 2008.

Silicone breast implants, after falling into disfavor in the early 90's on claims that they caused various diseases including cancer, are back. In their latest incarnation, a safer fourth-generation "gummybear' silicon material, they are expected to grow to a $620 million product by 2012.

Plastic surgery has never been more popular, thanks to television shows like Extreme Makeover and Dr. 90210. Led by the creepy Dr. Robert Rey, the show Dr. 90210 shows young men and women that they can look however they want with just a cut of the knife and a few nauseating comments from the doctor about how gorgeous their boobs are.

One of the most popular plastic surgery procedures is undoubtedly breast implants. In late 2006, the Food and Drug Administration approved silicone gel implants, deeming them safe and effective. Although silicone had been accused of causing certain medical problems/symptoms in the past, doctors using the implants now say that they are safe. Women who get silicone breast implants no longer just get an increased size. They get a product that now feels more natural than ever.

And silicone implants aren't just for your boobs anymore. They can be used all over your body: from cheeks to lips to butts. Depending upon which body part the implant is used for, its consistency may be a little different to give it the most natural look possible. Aren't you glad that you can now sculpt your body using silicone practically anywhere? You can have the body you always wanted without any hard work... if you're willing to go under the knife. No thanks.

Tracy L. Coenen, CPA, MBA, CFE performs fraud examinations and financial investigations for her company Sequence Inc. Forensic Accounting, and is the author of Essentials of Corporate Fraud.

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Don't like your job? Tired of flipping burgers? Thinking about hooking up with the Department of Sanitation?

Boy, have we got a job for you...

According to Us Weekly, Paris Hilton is on the hunt for a new best friend. I would say "best friend forever," but, let's face it, her friendships with Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, and Brittany Spears have had expiration dates measured in months, not eons.

Apparently, Paris' friend hunt will take the form of a new reality series and is expected to run on either VH1 or MTV. Presumably, contestants will be weeded out based on their willingness to consume large amounts of alcohol and drugs, slavishly cater to Hilton's every whim, and generally debase themselves in front of TV cameras. Obviously, a sense of irony will not be a prerequisite for employment.

The next time you find yourself staring at the walls of your cubicle and dreaming about a better life, just think about how much worse it could be: you don't need to run a nationwide search for a friend, you don't need to prostitute your personal life for a TV contract, and you don't need to suck up to a talentless heiress in order to pick up your weekly paycheck.

Hey, life is pretty good.

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He wants to be Crispin Glover's bff.

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Tired of the same old Applebee's and Cracker Barrel fare? Well, fortunately, you're living in the 21st century, where choice reigns. We've pulled together some suggestions for places that offer novel dining experiences.

In the era of ever-larger serving dishes and Hooters, I suppose Hadaka Sushi was the inevitable fusion, especially in Hollywood. So if you've ever had the urge to have your meal served on the body of a (presumably) attractive naked woman, this is your place.

From the moment you enter the restaurant, the theme of merging the sensual pleasures of sex and food is apparent. Décor is heavy on suggestive accoutrements. The menu features dishes such as G-Spot rolls.

The hook, though, is nyotaimori, or female body arrangement, aka a banquet on a bun. At over $1,000 for serving dish (heh heh), food extra, the experience is not for the faint of wallet. But for the jaded, it could be the dining experience of a lifetime.

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