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If you've found that your dart game has been suffering lately, or are just looking for a way to revitalize your love of the sport, I humbly suggest that you check out the Ann Coulter dartboard cover that is currently on sale at Young America's Foundation [sic]. Featuring America's favorite wacky ultraconservative in a provocative pose, this handy-dandy paper coverall is nicely proportioned to fit over your regulation-sized dartboard. If you have a smaller or larger board, you can simply cut Ann down to size. Betcha Al Franken wishes that he could do the same!

If your tastes tend more toward the conservative, the Ann Coulter dartboard cover also doubles as a nice piece of cheesecake photography, showing off her pipe-cleaner thin arms and piercing ice-blue eyes. It will make a nice addition to your "Right-wing cuties" collection, along with your images of delightfully mega-svelte Nancy Reagan and Rush "Huggy Bear" Limbaugh!

Best of all, at only $4.87 (67% off full price), you can bring home the Coulter without going into deficit spending!

A few years back, in the hazy, mythical days of 2004, my wife and I took a trip to Eastern Europe. The dollar was strong then, and an underpaid English instructor and his bookstore-staffer girlfriend could travel like royalty on the other side of the former Iron curtain.

We wandered all over, reveling in the grotesque history of the area and its rich, potato-based cuisine. Finally, we drifted into Brno, eager to see the city's famed freeze-dried Capuchin monks. Unfortunately, the monastery was closed for the winter, but we vowed that someday, somehow, we would venture back and revel in the wonder of dead, shriveled monks.

About a year after we came back to the U.S., Gelitin, a Vienna-based art collective, unveiled what may be the coolest public art project since England's Cerne Abbas chalk sculpture. Gelitin's "Rabbit" is a 200-foot long pink bunny that is sprawled across a hill in Italy's Piedmont region. Filled with straw, the stuffed animal is made of soft cloth and features "guts" that are artfully strewn around it. Visitors are encouraged to crawl all over the bunny, reveling in its weird texture and grotesque design.

Last weekend, my wife and I went to Roosevelt Island, which we had never visited before. While checking out the ruins of a former smallpox hospital and the gorgeous cherry blossoms that line the shore, we also happened to look over at the U.N. headquarters. We were horrified to discover just how dingy and nasty the structures were. While the U.N. has always been a little strange looking, it was starting to get downright grubby. The beautiful blue Secretariat tower looked grayish, and the General Assembly building, which was once gleaming white, now resembled a scuffed sneaker.

Apparently, the interior is also showing its age. Constructed in the early 1950's, the buildings have exposed asbestos insulation, dripping pipes, leaks, and lead paint. Although the U.N. is on international territory, and is thus not required to comply with New York City safety codes, it racked up an amazing 866 violations during a courtesy inspection last year. After years of spirited debate, the headquarters has finally been scheduled to undergo a massive, $1.9 billion renovation, which is expected to take five years.

Rather than find short-term housing elsewhere, the United Nations has decided to construct a gargantuan pre-fab building on the North Lawn of the complex. Ultimately, the U.N. hopes to return the North Lawn to its current, empty, state, so the new home has been designed to be "intentionally ugly," in the same style as "a Costco or a Wal-Mart." The cost of dismantling the eyesore has been factored into the overall project budget. Hopefully, this will ensure that the temporary building will be just that: temporary.

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. Having spent much of his childhood in "temporary" classrooms constructed from trailers, he hails the U.N.'s decision.

My wife and I are thinking about moving. As we've been looking at various apartments, we've had to consider the standard questions: how close is it to the subway, what is the nearest hospital, do the drug dealers seem friendly, what's the homicide rate, how many pairs of shoes are dangling from the nearby power lines...

You know, the standard Bronx questions.

One issue that we've never considered is the distance between our home and the nearest McDonald's. However, a recent study has revealed that our proximity to fast-food restaurants and convenience stores might be among the most important considerations when we choose our next home.

As the old joke goes, the three most important things in real estate are location, location, location. That having been said, with the plummeting real estate market, it might be time for some intrepid would-be homeowners to start thinking outside of the box, so to speak. With that in mind, here is a list of five abandoned places that are in in need of loving residents and an influx of dough. If you move quickly, you might just be able to make one of these undervalued wonders into your next home sweet home!

Bethlehem Steel: Once one of the largest steel mills in the United States, the Bethlehem Steel Mill in Lackawanna, New York is located just outside of Buffalo. Although attempts have been made to reopen it, turn it into a museum, or use it for wind farming, it has been abandoned since it closed in 1995. While this might not be your ideal vision of the perfect home, the "architectural details" include massive coke ovens, pipes, furnaces, and other remnants of its industrial past. For the modern minimalist decorator, it's a dream come true!

North Brother Island: Rich with history, North Brother Island has been the home of a hospital, veteran's housing complex, and drug treatment center. Most interestingly, this 13-acre island housed Typhoid Mary for over 20 years. It even features in New York's second-worst tragedy, the destruction of the General Slocum, a steamboat disaster that claimed over 1,000 lives. Located in the East River, North Brother is mere miles from the bustling heart of New York City, yet is totally abandoned. In addition to being highly-valuable, albeit overrun, real estate, North Brother Island has an Island of Dr. Moreau quality that will delight the mad scientists and feral survivalists in your family.

Soon after my wife and I decided to move to the big city, I realized that I would have to leave my beloved washer and dryer behind. On the bright side, though, I discovered one of the wonders of urban living: drop-off service.

For a small amount of money (in my neighborhood, it's $0.65 per pound), someone else will wash, dry, and fold your clothes. Given that my wife, daughter, and I generate between 20 and 30 pounds of laundry per week, this ends up being a fairly cheap luxury.

A few months back, however, I switched to a lower-paying job and began looking for ways to cut fat out of the household budged. One of the first things to go was the drop-off service, as I realized that I could wash my family's clothes for roughly half the price that Lula, the Albanian lady at the drop-off service, charges. Feeling self-righteous and fiscally responsible, I began toting my family's clothes to the local laundromat.

I first learned to cook when I was in Boy Scouts, which means that, in addition to learning how to use a stove, I also learned how to cook over a fire, in a homemade sterno oven, in a solar cooker, and in a variety of other bizarre ways. Given my eclectic culinary education, I thought that I knew every way that a hot dog could possibly be prepared.

I was wrong.

At Maker Faire 2008, a sort of science fair for grown-ups, the Nevada Lightning Laboratory used a couple of Tesla coils to cook a string of hot dogs. In addition to effectively heating up the weenies, the Tesla coils also wowed the audience by shooting out huge arcs of electricity, causing sparks to shoot between the dogs. While this might not be the most effective or cheapest way to cook, it is definitely the coolest.

These 10-foot coils were 1/12-size prototypes of a massive coil that the laboratory hopes to erect. Not only will this amazing device delight geeks and mad scientists everywhere, but it will also provide a platform for lightning experiments.

And, of course, it will be a really nifty hot dog cooker!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He once considered the mechanics of jamming a hot dog into an electrical socket, but chickened out at the last minute.

Ironically, just as Jello sometimes reminds me of breasts, the opposite happened when I saw these Japanese breast puddings: I started thinking about spring puddings.

While bread pudding is among the greatest winter desserts and Indian pudding has a definite lock on the autumn, spring is the time for smooth, lightly-sweetened custards, preferably served with berries and mint. As I recently saw fresh berries in my local market, it's quite possible that the Japanese boob custards might have had absolutely nothing to do with my recent craving for spring puddings. At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

While the ultimate spring pudding (and fall pudding, and winter pudding, and summer pudding, and anytime pudding) is creme brulee, it is also really time-consuming to make, and requires a fair knowledge of proper blowtorch usage.

Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle, cool and fruity...

Being a double-entendre type of guy, I always loved the Jello commercials. After all, I grew up in the early days of "jiggle television," when wiggling and jiggling usually meant just one thing: breasts. In retrospect, I wonder if this wasn't an unspoken subtext of Jello's ad campaign. After all, while the giggly, wiggly gelatin was sure to capture the attention of children, the unspoken reference to female pulchritude might have been useful for drawing in a more adult segment of the population.

Regardless, I recently discovered that I wasn't the only one who drew a connection between the creamy wondrousness of pudding and the creamy wondrousness of mammalian protuberances. A Japanese company has released breast puddings. Sold two to a package, the jiggly treats are gelatinous, milky sweet, and are marketed with cartoons of bubbly, happy ladies. They retail for between 380 and 400 yen, or roughly $4 per package.

In case you're not inclined toward math, that also works out to approximately $2 per breast, which is a pretty good deal.

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. For some reason, boob pudding makes him think of Spring...

A couple of days ago, Fidelity Investments released its second annual "Fidelity Millionaire Outlook" analysis. This report is, basically, a survey of 1000 people who have at least $1 million in assets to invest. The respondents were asked to plot their view of the U.S. economy on a scale ranging from +100 (very strong) to -100 (very weak). Last year, the average was +41, which translates to "strong." This year, the average was -50, which translates to "very weak."

Essentially, this means that even the wealthiest people in America don't really have a lot of faith in the economy. On average, the respondents were optimistic about the economy's potential for improvement in 2009, giving it a +18 score. In the meantime, however, the economy's downturn is making these investors feel exposed and endangered. In fact, almost 20% don't feel wealthy, in spite of the fact that they have a mean income of $270,000 and, on average, have at least $3 million to invest.

Fidelity's analyists have put a happy face on this data, stating that the millionaires' optimistic vision of 2009 suggests that they see "today's problem as tomorrow's opportunity." However, it's hard to get really chipper about an economy that's making the "Daddy Warbucks" segment of the population feel like they're hard up!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He found ten bucks in the street a couple of weeks ago and still feels like Diamond Jim Brady.

The daily deal for Tuesday, May 6th is a golden egg bank. If your savings plan involves hunting through your couch's cushions in search of small change, then this might be the perfect item for you. Forget about IRAs, CDs, savings bonds and t-bills; this little baby will help you transform your nickels and dimes into early retirement and vacation homes. Best of all, your "nest egg" will remind you of exactly where your money is going!

Constructed of gold-painted porcelain in a handy little nest, Fred Flare's Nest Egg will remind you that copper, nickel and silver can add up to make some gold. Best of all, at $9.99, it's almost 60% off its regular price of $24, so the savings start even before you unpack it!

Emphysema, heart disease, lung cancer, necrosis, crib death, bad smells...smoking has been accused of causing an almost endless list of problems. Recently, however, New York's outrageous taxes have added a fresh one: funding terrorism.

Because of recent tax increases, cigarettes currently cost approximately $9 a pack in New York city. On the other hand, they cost roughly $3 a pack when purchased at Indian reservations on Long Island. For years, New Yorkers have used reservations to help fund their habits by purchasing cartons of cigarettes, either in person or via the internet. The recent tax hike, however, has made cigarette smuggling an easy and relatively safe way to make a lot of money.

According to a recent report, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms is currently investigating over 300 smuggling rings that are purchasing cigarettes from Indian reservations or southern states with lower taxes and reselling them in New York City. Some of these smugglers supposedly have links to Hamas, Hezbollah, and Al Qaeda.

In an opinion piece in the New York Post, Congressman Peter King (R-NY) cited the case of cigarette smuggler Mohamad Hammoud, who allegedly made $8 million from 2000-2002 and donated $100,000 to Hezbollah. Congressman King noted that the operational cost of the 9/11 airstrikes was approximately $500,000, a sum that could be generated with only a few cigarette runs. Of course, from the perspective of international terrorists, this is a win/win situation: if the Camels don't get ya, the fundamentalists will.

While I'm sure that cigarettes will end up bearing the brunt of outrage over this issue, it might be a good idea to look beyond the obvious. Congressman King is calling for a repeal of the "forebearance" that allows Indian reservations to sell cigarettes without charging tax. As a student of history, I feel like we've cheated the Indians enough, but I agree that something must be done about this. May I humbly suggest that we stop using cigarette taxes as a way of dictating our health policy, try to treat smokers like humans and, perhaps, find another way of filling our public coffers?

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. As a former smoker, he doesn't like the smell of cigarettes, but tries to not be a jerk about it!

A corny tale of poop and profit...

On Wednesday, Bonhams New York, one of the world's premiere auction houses, held a major sale of fossils. The items on the block included the tusk of a 30,000 year old wooly mammoth, the skull of a 50,000 year old giant beaver, and the skeleton of a Russian cave bear. Perhaps the most interesting item, however, was a piece of coprolite, or fossilized dinosaur dung.

Originally expected to fetch $350 to $450, the three pound piece of antidiluvian feces ended up going for $960. The purchaser was Dr. Steve Tsengas of Fairport Harbor, Ohio. The owner of Our Pet's [sic], an animal nutrition company, Tsengas bought the coprolite as a tool for motivating his employees, impressing delegates at trade shows, and generally demonstrating the importance of poop.

If you've ever found yourself trying to explain to a parent, sibling, or spouse the reason that you're holding on to some totally useless piece of junk, you might want to remember this story. If you hold onto something long enough, it's bound to go up in value. Then again, in the case of dung, "long enough" translates to approximately 130 million years!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He is still holding on to his comic books from the early 1990's. Sooner or later, they're going to be worth something...

Recently, a Darmouth College lecturer announced her plans to sue her students. Apparently, Dr. Priya Venkatesan was angry about the fact that her pupils were complaining to her boss and openly disagreeing with her. The final straw was when one of her classes applauded a student who argued with her. She subsequently sent them an e-mail that read, in part:

Dear former class members [...] I regret to inform you that I am pursuing a lawsuit in which I am accusing some of you [...] of violating Title VII of anti-federal discrimination laws [...] I am also writing a book detailing my experiences as your instructor, which will "name names" so to speak. I have all your evaluations and these will be reproduced in the book [...] Have a nice day.

In the weeks since her e-mail, Venkatesan's lawsuit hasn't been going very well. According to some sources, she was unable to find a lawyer to represent her, while other sources stated that she has retained a lawyer and is suing Dartmouth College. The basis for her lawsuit is Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, which guards against employment discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, and national origin. Venkatesan apparently feels that, due to her race, Dartmouth failed to suitably protect her from her students.

Given the current economy, most people probably aren't thinking about buying art. However, as savvy investors often point out, going against the prevailing current can be quite profitable. Besides, President Bush has told us that we are supposed to pour our tax refund checks back into the economy. Buying art is a great way to do just that--after all, you buy the art and the artist spends the money on booze, drugs and cheese. This, in turn, makes it possible for the breweries, distilleries, dairies and drug dealers to hire more employees, leading to economic recovery and a bright, shiny future. Best of all, you end up with a beautiful piece of art to hang on your wall!

If you've looked at art prices recently, you've probably noticed that most art pieces are really, really expensive. Unless you plan on visiting one of those "starving artists" shows that feature a lot of boring, uninspired landscapes, you're probably going to pay at least a few thousand dollars for a decent painting, and the prices go up quickly when you start looking at work by well-known and well-regarded artists. On the other hand, artists' prints tend to be an outstanding value. They cost a fraction of the price of paintings while offering a good investment opportunity.