WalletPop

Yes, we all know that food prices are rising. It's worth remembering that this isn't just happening in the United States but that food prices have risen worldwide. If you look at the global picture, you won't complain about paying $4.00 for a gallon of milk. Bottom line? We are still food rich and we have lots of alternatives if we don't want to pay more for groceries.

Thinking about food purchasing and preparation is another opportunity that the recession brings for recalibrating how we live and spend. We eat and spend too much and move around too little.

Here's a challenge.Take a small spiral notebook and use to it keep track of what you eat and what you pay for the next week. Include the bottle of diet coke that you buy at the gas station, the $28 you spend on take-out, the totals at the grocery store, the five cups of coffee or vitamin water. At the end of the week, sit down with the local store circulars and see whether you can't easily feed your family for less than 2/3 of that amount.

Gina Henry-Cook is a speaker, writer and tour-guide, who makes the rounds of community schools teaching a one-evening program on traveling free. She covers everything from the obvious -- saving money on airline tickets and hotels -- to funding your travel with air courier flights, teaching, writing and mystery shopping. I bought her booklet, "Free Vacations" and it's one of the very few things that I go back to over and over again, plotting my eventual travels. Published by GoGlobal, Inc., the booklet is stuffed with real information and hundreds of website addresses.

Henry-Cook advises using one airline credit card (every $1 charged equals one mile) purchasing everything from big ticket items to things you normally buy -- groceries, restaurant bills, gas, clothes, stamps, etc.) on that credit card. This tip is only for those of you who can trust yourself. She rotates the card annually to get the free miles on sign-up (with no annual free, of course). Another suggestion -- dress like a business or first-class traveler and be first at the gate, in search of a free upgrade to Business or First-class. Improve your chances of getting "bumped" (for a future free air ticket) -- an offer you can make at the same time you let the attendant at the gate know that you're looking for the free upgrade.

The booklet also covers Mystery Shopping assignments (getting paid to evaluate services, cleanliness and quality at hotels, restaurants and other businesses) which can mean free meals, flights, hotels stays, car rentals and merchandise -- and contact information for mystery shopping companies.

Evelyn Nieves' Associated Press article has some really good news about a new breed of Gen Xers and Y's. The Sunday Telegraph of London coined the acronym, YAWN (Young And Wealthy Normal). These are young, successful men and women who have decided to do something different than shopping until they drop. Paris Hilton: you're going out of style.

Though the group has its share of high-tech success stories and dot.com millionaires, Nieves says that, "Yawns are actually a subset of a growing global movement of the eco-socially aware. The state of the economy and the state of the planet have inspired people to consider what they buy and how they spend in ways not seen since the 'Small is Beautiful' and ecology movements of the 1970's. "

YAWNS are young people who are choosing frugal lives and humanitarian projects. They choose normal sizes homes over McMansions, donate significant money to worthy causes, and drive energy efficient vehicles. Not only that but, "Second-hand stores are to Yawns what the Gap was to yuppies."

It sounds like the 60's - except that unlike hippies, yawns are financially savy.

Imagine.

With the competition reduced to four teams, this week's episode of I Know My Kid's a Star brings us to what might be thought of as the top of the homestretch. This is good news. It's almost over. Soon we will no longer be treated to mothers who say things like:

• "They nailed her to the cross."
• "At home I'm used to pushing her."
• "I don't want to get frustrated with you here. Tone it down and start to cry."
  

Nor will we have to listen to children who have more maturity than their parents but are forced to speak like parrots.

Alai: "Couldn't you just talk it out with her?"
Gigi: "She's a liar and how do I feel about liars?"
Alai: "You don't like them."

As consumers search attics for fast cash, resale shops are seeing a glut of merchandise. For-sale listings on Craigslist are also way up. We can be sure that there will be more sellers and less buyer money around as the yard sale season begins.

I've been a yard sale addict for more than 25 years. My buying habits won't change very much - except for the fact that I'm also part of the wave of downsizing/decluttering baby boomers and like everyone else, I'm watching what there is of my money. Since I'm also a social worker, I don't want to profit from anyone else's misfortune, which makes me a little uneasy about what it's going to be like once I start my Saturday routes. I expect that I'll make the same kind of offers - looking for the same kind of percentages off - that I always have, looking for a fair price. As a real estate agent recently explained, "A fair deal is when both the buyer and the seller are both just a little dissatisfied." No one gets the best of anyone.

At the risk of branding myself as a Pollyanna (does anyone still know what that is?), I think there may be a silver lining to a recession. No one wants to see people lose their homes or suffer the stresses that come with a downturn in the economy -- but some of our values are in desperate need of recalibration. Hard times can do that.

I have a fantasy. For those of you who have read my posts before and know where I come from as a child therapist, the fantasy probably won't surprise you. Imagine this.

The parent(s) have reviewed their financial situation and decided they will have to make some changes. Last summer the kids went away to camp for a month and the other month took three lessons each. The rest of the time, they mainly fought over the computer and ate cupcakes and cereal in front of the television.

My New Year's resolution was to catch up on my Rolodex. Maybe that's setting my sights pretty low but it's more important than it sounds. There's a saying that he with the biggest Rolodex wins. In a nutshell, business - and often lots of other parts of life - can be all about who you know and networking.

In this computer oriented society, it's easy to forget about business cards. If something comes to you via computer, you may add it to your mailing list but the quickest way to handle a business card is still to stick it in a rolodex. Mine is so old that more than probably a third of the contacts are obsolete and the edges of the cards are tattered.

Think of all the times that your path crosses with someone else's - all the business cards that people hand you (some of them artistic treasures and for the rest of us just Staples variety) - all the nice people you meet. Keep these contacts where you can put your hands on them.

In Don't Worry, Make Money - Spiritual and Practical Ways to Create Abundance and More Fun in Your Life, Richard Carlson, Ph.D. reminds us to delight in the success of others. He fesses up to the inclination that most of us have to want to be more successful than our friends, to be competitive and jealous. "While it can be seductive to try to keep others at your level, it's absolutely, positively not in your best interest. The way to rise to the top is to wish everyone well, to hope with all your heart" that others succeed ... There's plenty of success to go around." While that may sound like a spiritual message (iwhich yes, it is), it's also a business message.

I'm putting the scattered business cards and the Rolodexes - the old and the new - in the same stack as the other things that I like to do when I watch a dvd - that is, ironing, bill paying, and the very occasional sewing. I'll put my stack of personalized postcards (an excellent way to remember to say hello, congratulations or thank you) with them. Networking matters - in a variety of ways.

Amazon.com's "Kindle" is sold out. At $399, the wireless reading device accesses 110,000 books. Best-sellers and new releases are $9.99. You can have the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal delivered to your Kindle.

As anyone who knows me can attest to, I regard most of life as an intrusion between me, my bed and my book. The thought of being able to access (wireless connectivity) in a taxi, at the airport, in a hotel room makes my heart pound and my mouth go dry with desire. But there's a problem. #1: $399 (with its free 2-day shipping, I'm still not impressed), #2: I don't buy this way.

I don't want to have the first edition of anything. I don't buy for status. After the first edition, there are likely to be kinks to work out and just as likely the price will come down. I buy books by the handful (I bought 8 yesterday) at thrift shops, yard sales, library sales.

So although my first impulse was to add Kindle to my cart, it won't be happening anytime soon. I will be keeping an eye out for someone using one and I'll be sure to ask to see what it's all about.

Kindle may turn out to be a conversation starter. The new singles mingles for the intelligensia. Keep an eye on it.

It's good to know that we're reaching the halfway point this week on "I Know My Kid's a Star." The sooner this horror show is over, the better. True, it pales beside what has happened and is happening to the children from the LDS sect in Texas but it's no picnic for the kids on VH1 either. Some things are incompatible with the "best interests of the child," and I would argue to the end that striving toward stardom is one of them.

Last week's show was all about children as "brands." One mother had come in with the photo that showed her child's particular "look." Sounds like cattle being branded to me. Another mother was described as"very protective which is a great instinct as a Mom, but as a manager, you're going to have to push harder."

Actually, that's the whole point: being a mom and being a manager are incompatible.

There are a lot of things I could be doing, sitting here this third morning of business travel in my $229/plus tax/night room at the Marriott Providence Downtown.

I could look out the window at my view of the Mobil Station with the majestic rise of the highway just beyond. I could be reading about "Weekend airport woes" in my complimentary copy of USA Today (and wondering how this particular newspaper has wrapped up the hotel market). I could, as I drink my Gourmet Bean coffee from its filter pack, splashed with two Mini Moo's of Half & Half, review my Express Checkout "Guest Folio."

If I was more energetic, I could compare and contrast my Hilton Garden Inn, Crowne Plaza Hotels and Resorts and Marriott Express Check-Outs printouts. If I pay attention, I will note that at the Hilton Garden Inn I had a "Zip-Out Check-Out."

You never know when something that gets under your skin is driving a lot of other people crazy too. It turned out that my post last week (Rules for Air Travel with Children) churned up strong feelings and some very good points. To all of you who wrote, thank you. It is, of course, what blogging is all about. I've read every single comment and would like to respond to some of what's been said.

First, there were parents who wrote about traveling with a child who has cancer, with an autistic child or the child who is en route home from something traumatic. Your points are important. None of us know what is going on in another person's life. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that we simply can't see. It's almost always worth erring in the direction of human decency and compassion - everywhere, including on airplanes. When your child is having a hard time, it may help to give the people sitting next to you a bit of information if the circumstances warrant it. I've seen people who I thought were cold or nasty turn into really nice human beings once they understood a situation.

.

Last week, I suggested that I Know My Kid's a Star was televised child abuse. I referred to one incident on the show (an extended encounter between a mother and daughter). Although I'm sure my viewpoint offended the mother involved, she made a polite comment. She wanted me - and you - to understand that the show was edited for impact, exaggerating the negative moments. I think her point is well-made. Arguing and drama sells on reality television. Let's take that as a given.

My point is different and tonight, when I write about this show, again - which I expect to do as long as it is aired - I'll make sure that it comes across. To clarify: my objection is less about the specific incidents depicted on the show than it is about what it does to children to be placed in the position of competing against other children when their mothers (or fathers) are so intimately involved in the competition.

I feel the same way about any child's activity in which the parent is heavily invested. It doesn't matter whether it is straight A's in school, pitching in Little League, or winning an art competition. The idea that a child she strive for early stardom doesn't help a child develop into a whole human being, comfortable about who (s)he is and able to enthusiastically pursue her interests, which may vary enormously from day to day.

There is a saying from Waldorf school literature that goes something like this: "That tree is strongest which grows most slowly at its beginnings."

Childhood isn't a race.

A decade ago, I asked a colleague, a counselor in a grade 5-6 public school,

"Is there anything particular that you've noticed that separates the kids who are doing well from those who aren't?"

"Yes," she said, "their parents have their own lives."

You are seated on a plane, watching the remaining passengers board when you notice them: arriving mother and child. The offspring come in all shapes and sizes. Never mind them for now, keep your eye on the mother. The future of your trip - whether it is about to hold reading, working, taking a nap - or its sudden alternative, sitting with a screaming child - is unfolding before your eyes. Watch closely because what you really want to know is whether that mother is coming equipped. Hopefully, she is carrying a small, colorful backpack. If not, run for cover.

I love children but the quarters up here are a little too close. It requires a basic level of parental intelligence - say mid-range- to know that when you bring a child on an airplane you'd better keep him happy. This is not rocket science but common sense in America has been in need of a booster shot for at least the last decade.

Wechsler's Rules for Air Travel with Children:

To add to America's recent financial woes (and less recent insanity), prom season is approaching. When did this high school event morph into a $500 or more budget item for many American families -- and why?

Even if the young man (and his family) carries the brunt of the surface expenses -- tickets, transportation, corsage, possibly dinner first -- it's often the young woman's family that spends the most time and money. Some of the time is exciting and fun. But shopping isn't fun when it strains budgets, when families are more anxious than festive, when people become obsessed with details. After all, this isn't a wedding, it's a high school prom.

Stories abound of mother-daughter teams going from store to store, bringing home half a dozen prom dresses for the final selection, returning the rest. Once the dress is finalized then come shoes, bag, lingerie, jewelry, often followed by tanning sessions, an appointment for hair and nails. The only thing usually skipped are the ladies in waiting -- although they're actually there too, the dateless, who bear the misery of either going to the prom with their girlfriends or missing the event entirely.

How to trim the budget without making your son or daughter feel less terrific than everyone wants them to on the big night? It depends on the student.

Fact: the easiest thing to find in top quality condition at thrift stores is dressy clothes. How many times does a woman wear a gown? Once, maybe twice. How many gowns are classics that stay in style season after season? Many.

I saw an adorable high school senior buy a teal blue, strapless prom gown at the hospital thrift store one spring. She also found a set of shoes, a bag and long gloves. Even at this over-priced thrift, the package ran less than $50. The hospital was the beneficiary and her dad was as well. What I enjoyed the most though was watching how much fun she -- and the women at the shop -- were having. She looked gorgeous and happy.

Not every young person is receptive to this kind of shopping but it's well worth an exploration. If you haven't shopped thrift before, the prom is an ideal time to start. It's also a great time to have your son or daughter have a voice in the choices about where money is spent. If buying the dress retail is top priority then maybe transportation is by parent rather than limousine or maybe hair and nails are done at home. It's all part of a process. Consider starting with a morning spent checking out a few thrift stores. You can always shop retail after that.

With college graduation just around the corner, at least one school's Student Government Association is sending out "IMPORTANT ADVICE FROM PARENTS OF PREVIOUS STUDENTS."

This important advice is to order a diploma frame ahead of graduation.

Just when I thought I had everything under control - the motel reservation, the graduation trip to Arizona, and weekly reminders to my son to buy a sports jacket for job interviews... - it is brought to my attention that I have overlooked this important detail. Now I only have until May 9th to call the 800 number and check on availability. If I blow the deadline the frame might not be ready for graduation day.

It seems that our state school has an, "officially endorsed diploma frame," which will allow my son's diploma and his 8"x10" photo to slip right through the back of the frame, without tools or hassles. Best of all, at no time will I or my graduate need to "surrender the diploma or wait for it to be framed."

I'll actually ask my son - since a family friend asked just yesterday what he might like as a graduation gift. I'd be really surprised if he chooses the frame. On the other hand, I think this is a fundraiser for the student government and it would be a nice parting gift to the school. Why not just so?