If you're a single woman tired of the dating scene, but you still enjoy cuddling up with your man at night, then this item is just for you - - The Boyfriend Arm Pillow. He's quiet. His dimensions are proportionate. He never needs a shower. He's always available. He doesn't hog the covers. He's always pleasant.

And he can be yours for the low, low one-time investment of $19.95. And this truly is an investment in your future. Think of all the things you'll never have to worry about: Whether he's out spending your money. If he's seeing another woman. If he'll be "in the mood" to cuddle tonight.

I think there is a seriously bright future out there for this pillow. (And if you're married? You can get one too. They understand how things change after the vows. Maybe this guy will make your husband a little jealous and get him back in the mood for cuddling.

As anyone who's done a bit of dating can attest, playing the field can be a learning experience. Personally speaking, my years of dating taught me many key things that have helped me greatly in my marriage. I learned that I should never miss a birthday, that leaving the seat down is a great way to say "I love you," and that one needs to deal with problems quickly, honestly, and directly.

My biggest teacher in this regard was Holly. During one Christmas break, she ducked my calls, made cryptic statements about friends that she was seeing, and refused to get into a conversation that lasted more than a few minutes. After about two weeks, she finally admitted that an old boyfriend had proposed to her and that she was dumping me. Later, when I had my own break-ups, I was careful to avoid Holly's mistakes. I tried to make things quick and clear, and I generally sucked it up and did my dirty work face-to-face.

Still, the Holly method is actually pretty popular; in the age of e-Mail, text messaging, and cell phones, it seems somewhat old fashioned to actually conduct one's relationships in person. In fact, between webcams and social networking sites, I'm beginning to wonder if one even needs to actually meet a boyfriend or girlfriend!

Every time the news is a little slow, I see yet another article featuring some fresh-faced Manhattan-dwelling Steve Stifflip or Polly Patrician who is considering the move to (gasp!) Brooklyn or even (double gasp!) Queens. He or she whines about the miseries of making ends meet on a mere $80,000 a year, not being able to afford organic radicchio, only being able to eat out once or twice a week, and having to postpone this year's trip to Europe. As I slog through this nonsense, I find myself wondering if I could get a bill passed that would make it legal to eat the rich.

Sometimes I hate people. There, I've said it.

In a column (subscription required) for the Wall Street Journal, Donna Freitas, author of the upcoming book Sex and the Soul: Juggling Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance & Religion on America's College Campuses, advises parents of college-bound youth to "find out about the dating lives and party habits of students at your child's dream school, or whether hooking up has replaced dating altogether. As students told me time and time again, romantic relationships -- the good, the bad and the ugly -- can make or break the college experience. Before you mail that check, do your research."

I agree completely -- the dating/relationship scene at a college is vitally important to the college experience, but it's often overlooked. College guidance counselors might ask whether you want city/rural and discuss the options for majors at different schools, but I think that very few delve into the dating scene at prospective colleges.

To get some color on dating issues at colleges, check out The Insider's Guide to the Colleges, 2008: Students on Campus Tell You What You Really Want to Know. This book is great -- it features quotes from current college students describing what student life is actually like.

If you're looking at colleges for a student who is LGBT, you should absolutely order a copy of The Advocate College Guide For LGBT Students.

The online mating service industry is thriving, with ads for companies like eharmony.com filling the screen during the hours singles are most likely to be sitting home alone. However, none have taken the pitch to the level of start-up ScientificMatch.com, which promises to find your ideal mate by their personal body odor.

The company claims that by testing DNA it can determine which people have a personal aroma that will most appeal to you. A proper odor match can, it claims, lead to better and more orgasms, less cheating, more fertility, and healthier children.

The company doesn't depend entirely on complementary personal chemistry, though. Backing it up is value matching and a personal preferences profile.

And what, you may ask, does such a service cost? For a mere 1,995.95 freaking dollars per year, ScientificMatch.com will match you with the person of your olfactory dreams. The service is currently only offered in the Boston area, but if it recruits enough suckers clients, I'm sure it will go national.

Hmmm. I'm picking up an aroma right now, and it isn't the smell of love. It smells more like hogwash.