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Colognes can get so boring. I mean, sometimes you just don't want to smell sexy. You want to smell like ... burning rubber? Or an ash tray. Or perhaps even fresh bread. A company called Weird Fragrances is offering free unisex cologne samples in exchange for your mailing address and email address. They aren't available in stores, but Weird Fragrances will email you when they are.

The choices: Grease Monkey, The Love of Money, Pumpkin Spice, Cajun Delight, Burning Rubber, Fourth of July, Ash Tray, Magazine Pages, Fresh Bread, and Hot Cookies.

I can't imagine that these will be a hit. Pumpkin spice is great for a candle, but for a person? Do you have a desire to cuddle up next to someone who smells like an ash tray?

But it's a free sample, so I'm willing to give it a shot.

A quick tip: If you like requesting free samples, set up a separate email account for them so that you won't find your inbox inundated with "special offers."

When I was in elementary school, I had a gym teacher named Mr. Donaldson. He was nice enough for a guy who wore sweatpants to work, but he epitomized cheesy. Although it was the mid-1980's, he seemed trapped in the Seventies. He sported a fu manchu moustache, had long blond hair parted in the middle, and reeked of Brut.

When most people imagine a guy wearing too much cologne, Mediterranean cabs driver or sleazy European gigolos come to mind. For me, the eye-watering stench of too much cologne will always be linked with Mr. Donaldson, the gym teacher who could disinfect a scrape merely by standing near it.

Because of the deep psychological damage inflicted by Mr. Donaldson, I avoided cologne for years. My father, who used it sparingly, gave me a bottle of English Leather when I was fifteen. I used it as fire starter. Later, when I was 21, I inherited a big bottle of Zizanie; I finished it off about fifteen years later. Along the way, I got a bottle of Polo Safari from a cousin (I regifted it after I discovered that it made my cat sneeze) and a bottle of Drakkar Noir from a friend (my roommate ended up stealing it). To be honest, I didn't feel a pressing need to refill my cologne stocks. I use a simple deodorant, and don't feel much of a need for anything else.