Late on rent? Loan shark breathing down your neck? Can't fill your car with gas to get to work on Monday? Assuming all available funds and traditional sources of credit are tapped out, here are 25 (legal) ways to raise cash in a few days. We list them in order from least to most desperate.

When I was in college, I once visited a friend at another university. As with many such visits, I spent much of my time in an alcoholic haze, wandering from apartment to apartment, meeting my friend's friends, drinking odd beverages, and generally getting down Hunter S. Thompson-style. Good times.

In one apartment, I remember watching some 90210 on the occupants' big screen TV. Over the course of the show, I noticed that they kept referring to it as "the TV that sperm bought." Finally, unable to contain my curiosity, I asked about the nickname. Laughing, one of them told me that the roommates had pooled their resources from selling sperm and had used the proceeds to purchase a TV. Since then, my research has shown me that, regardless of the the truth of the roommates' claims, it certainly could be true. Advertised sperm donation rates vary from $1 to $200 per week; most donors can expect somewhere around $40 per donation. Given that you can only deposit sperm every five days, your career as a sperm donator will probably only net you enough money to eat at McDonald's. Although, if you save carefully, your genetic material could translate into a sweet home theater system.

When I was a college student, sperm donation seemed like an interesting idea. After all, I'd be paid for doing something that I usually did pro bono, would be able to make some poor ladies really happy, and would pick up a little bit of dough on the side. In the meantime, I was legally protected; there was no way that the little Brucies and Brucinias that were wandering the earth could track their way back to me. Then I read the small print.