42% of parents have paid off an adult child's debt

There have been more than a few times in my life when I had wished that I could go to "the bank of Mom and Dad". Unfortunately, my sister and I are on the opposite end of that. We are "the bank of the daughters". We had very little growing up. We were always moving from one place to another. We never had much of anything. But our parents always had their cigarettes, etc. We moved out when I was 19 and my sister was 18. We paid for our own weddings. We made an attempt at college, but found that it was just too hard to support ourselves and get a full time college education. Now, years later, after having worked since we were 14 and 15 years old, we are able to "make ends meet", but not a lot beyond that. The other thing that makes it hard is that, over and over again, our parents are asking for money. They never saved a dime. Now that they are on Social Security and still have their $1000 month cigarette habit AND support our "ambitionless" younger brother, we are the ones who are always asked to "lend" money, that usually is never paid back. I'm curious as to how many others have to deal with this and I'm a bit envious of those who can visit "the bank of Mom and Dad"... It must be comforting and I hope they appreciate it.

Reply

If you raise your children right: Ethics, good work ethic, education and inspire them to take risks, you shouldn't "need" to give them a dime. You gave them everything they'd ever need in life to achieve on their own. What better gift could a parent give a child? I learned a lot about spending, SAVING and living a "richer" life from the book "How to Become Filthy Rich on Your Current Income" at www.how-to-become-rich.com. If people read books like this one we would not have the current situation we do.

Reply

If I were wealthy and my adult child was in a profession where they didn't make a lot of money, I might pay off some of their debts as a gift, but only if they are financially responsible to begin with, For example, say my daughter and her husband were both school teachers and lived within their means, maybe a little credit card debt like most prople have, but actually quite responsible. If they decided to have a family, I might pay off one of their cars for Christmas. Not that they asked, not that I feel guilty, not because I think a good mom is being a philanthropist to your deadbeat kids. They are doing a good job, and I want to help them before the baby comes.

Now, would I pay off all of my child's debt? Um, no. Would I pay off my adult child's debt because they work for minimum wage but live in a $250k house which is in the process of being forclosed on and drive a Corvettethey hide at night from the repo man? Nope. If I'm paying for a new Corvette, you can bet your ass I'll be driving that baby!

Reply

When I was eighteen and got a first job, I paid my parents, room and board. My first car was an old one, but I got a loan from the bank and had to pay it off. All this, on $1.65 an hour, back then.

I'm eternally grateful that I was taught the value of a dollar. My grandfather started a savings account for me when I was ten with a $2.00 deposit. I took it from there, and always saved up for what was needed. No interest payments for this one, the bank always paid me the interest.

Reply

Please do yourself and your sister a big favor, don't support your parent's life style. They are sopposed to be fully grown adults . A $1000 a month on ciggerettes is totally crazy. All your doing is enableing their stupid habit and makkeing a financial burden to yourself. It's about time you two sisters make a firm stand and tell your parents their lavish lifestyle has to end and your parents need to come down to earth and realize they are truely burdening their children. Time to grow up don't you think? :)

Reply

Don't enable people by paying off their debts. Why you ask? Because by doing so your showing your children its ok too rack up tons of bills and dear old dad and mom will come to the rescue everytime they are in a bind. How are your children sopposed to instill good moral character into their own children,meaning your grandchildren? Once the children are out of the nest its up to them to grow in knowledge on how to live and survive in this world. What will happen to your children after mom and dad have passed on? They will be messed up adults twisted thinking everyone else has to helpp them out in order to live. No be firm and show them how to manage their money but by no means pay off their car or house or credit cards. They made the bill its up to them to controll their spending habits like a mature adult. Many parents think they are doing the right thing by helping their children and grandchildren but in reality its hurting them more then they realize. If you don't believe me ask other parents as well on their opinion as well. You'll see that what i say is the general rule of thumb. God bless and merry christmas to all !

Reply

Their parents must be in congress, all they want to do is bail everybody out.

Reply

My parents didn't have a lot but they also didn't create debt. That's right, create. People create debt. Sometimes, it can't be helped; if disaster hits. Everyone doesn't make enough to have a rainy day fund. But a lot of people just live way beyond what they earn. I don't feel sorry for them. I might gift my children if I had extra. However, one of the best gifts we can give our children is values and work ethic. The second gift we give them is opportunity. The third gift is to learn to be self-sufficient on less than what you earn. Fourth is to save. Fifth is to be self-sufficient yourself so you will not be a financial drain on them later on. I didn't get it when I was a kid and people said the best gifts are not wrapped. I get it now. I so appreciate what I didn't have...so much that money could buy that I though happiness came from 'stuff' and that I was entitled to whatever was being sold just because I wanted it. LIFE is meant to be enjoyed ... within the means we earn.

Reply

IF YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO STAY OUT OF DEBT BECAUSE OF SCHOOL BILLS . WATCH OUT WHAT THEY STUDY . A. IF THE JOB CAN GO OVER TO CHINA OR INDIA SOME DAY . B. JOB MADE REDUNTANT BECAUSE OF TECH ADVANCES OR C. A FLOODED FEILD , TO MANY CHEFS ( PAY WILL STAY THE SAME AND NEVER GO UP ) LIVE ON GOOD BUS LINE BECAUSE CARS ARE NO LONGER CHEAP TO MAINTAIN AND REPAIR

Reply

Anna,
I am in the same boat as you. Somehow, I ended up the only one in my family who is responsible with money. My mother never has any money and has come to me on many occassions asking for money. A few years ago I told her to never ask again - mainly b/c I refuse to indirectly fund/enable my ambitionless 28 year old brother and sister (twins), who are the biggest drain on my mother's finances, and my mother does not have the heart to tell them "NO!" She still makes jokes (with a hint of seriousness) about how I will support her when she's old. But I've told her the jokes are not funny, and in all seriousness, that unless she gets her act together, I will not be giving her a dime. It's very frustrating to watch how she lives her life (and how my brother and sister take advantage of her)!

I have worked my tail off since I was 16 (and a few odds-n-end jobs when I was younger, since I was 12). I paid my own way through college - two degrees (one of those I earned after having two kids), and I am now able to support my own family and provide things for them that my parents never could afford to provide for us. I stood up to my mother for MY family that I now must raise. It was hard - but I encourage you to do the same. If you and your sis keep bailing them out, they will never change (they may never change anyway, but at last you will be able to say YOU did the responsible thing....don't cheat yourself or your kids b/c your parents never got it together).

Reply

I once came into a little extra money and I ask my daughter if there was anything financial going on in her life that she thought or worried about when she woke up at night. She was 30 yoa at the time and a wonderful daughter who has never asked me for anything...She told me that day that she did have a credit card bill that she wished she had not let get as high as it was..I told her to send it to me at the end of the month and I would take care of it...After I did that she changed the credit line on that account to a max of $2000.00.

Smart kid huh?

Reply

Anna there are a lot more of us out here than you think. All our young lives my dad would berate us for any expense we incurred-all our working lives he'd stick us each up for money. He alienated the youngest of my older brothers and the other three kept a long distance from mom & dad. Even since dad is gone they stay away because any conversation leads to requests for money. Me being the only girl, I am the one footing the bill for responsibilities my parents never met in their working years. Of course if we complain we are heartless ingrates to those who don't know what it's like to support their parents WHILE having to watch their kids go without not to mention forget about anything for ourselves! What I am hoping for you and your sister is that you have life insurance on the parents. We thought dad had some and he didn't so we are still paying the "funeral" off-cremated with a military burial meaning no limos, no anything except the box of ashes and whomever showed up and that still cost over $3k!! Now I am paying $337.00 a month for ins on momma so when she dies the house they started paying on 40 years ago can be paid off-they remortgaged so many times! No matter her age-it IS out there, Momma turned 80 this year and I found a company to insure her. You won't get back what you've given them but at least you won't have to sell all you have to pay their final expenses like I did, and now am paying all her bills. You and your sister are lucky to have each other.

Reply

If kids are going to make it in this world, then the parents are going to have to plan for their financial needs. These times are so much more expensive that they were 40 years ago. If parents are not going to make financial plans for their children’s education and success in life then they should not have kids. I am married and refuse to put a human in this world if I can not pay for him or her until my death and after in a my will. They did not ask to be in this world and since I put them here, I have a responsibility to them from the cradle to the grave.

Reply

I have already put a stop to it. My sister is WAY more easy-going than I am, but I'm working on her. Although, just a month ago she not only "helped" my parents. She also forked over $2000 to keep our brother from being charged with a felony... and she'll never see that money again. She knows that now and I think she's well on her way to learning to say "no". Oh.. I agree, by the way, it is definitely time to grow up. I told them that when, back in late September, I bought birthday presents for my children that I let my mother and father put their names on... because they forgot to save enough to get them anything.... THAT was the proverbial last straw for me.... I was and remain to be truly disgusted....

Reply

Oh Jackie... That's just horrible. That's also a conversation my sis and I have had many times. How, ontop of paying for our own weddings and schooling, we will be the ones who get "stuck" with funeral expenses, etc. as the age and pass on. It's really quite sad. I have spent my whole life wishing that I had the kind of parents that "could" help me out, if I really really needed it. Instead I avoid them constantly just to avoid the "guilt trips" that lead up to the asking for money. Funny thing is my sister always avoided them like the plague until her divorce.. Now she just can't seem to say No enough. She's very smart though... She would never put her girls or her home in jeopardy for them. Oh and Yes... I am thankful every day that I have her... We are only 18 months apart age wise... She is my sister, but she is also my best friend and more.
Happy Holidays and I hope things get better for you soon.

Reply