Ukraine outlaws possession of porn, but can't define what it is
Filed under: Sex Sells
Make love, not porn, because if you live in the Ukraine, you'll get fined and sent to jail. Tuesday, Ukrainian President Viktor Yushchenko signed a bill into law, making the possession of pornography a criminal offense in the country.
I first heard of the report while watching the Russian news network last night and my immediate reaction was: "WTF?" Thinking the announcement couldn't possibly be true and must have been Russia's unfunny way of mocking my birth country, I hopped onto the Internets, only to find --10 seconds later -- reports of the aforementioned law.
"But what constitutes 'pornography' in the Ukraine?" I wondered. And the only definition I could find was one claimed by XBizNewswire to have been featured in the 2003 legislation, which states, "Pornography is vulgar, candid, cynical, obscene depiction of sexual acts, pursuing no other goal, the explicit demonstration of genitals, unethical elements of the sexual act, sexual perversions, realistic sketches that do not meet moral criteria and offend honor and dignity of the human by inciting low instincts." Hmmm. Not at all subjective.
If this definition of pornography does not change, anything from acclaimed art and classical literature to adult magazines and X-Rated films could be considered pornography. Quick, Ukrainian art enthusiasts, hide your copies of Michelangelo Buonarroti's "The Creation of Eve," and Francisco de Goya's "La maja desnuda!" I see "explicit demonstration of genitals!" Who cares if these paintings have been treasured by the world for centuries? They "offend honor and dignity of the human!"
And perhaps book burning will follow? Watch out Harlequin, as you might lose an enormous population of bored, life-hating, Russian-speaking grandmothers with nothing to do but to sit outside on benches and devour your steamy romance novels, visualizing the passionate sex scenes between a blue-eyed, silky-haired hunk and a soft-spoken but well-endowed damsel.
I'm curious how the government is planning to catch individuals who own this poorly defined "pornography." Will there be spies and surveillance cameras? And will the porno-police come bursting through doors screaming, "I give you two seconds to put down that dirty magazine and raise your right hand before I shoot!" God forbid a family watches a taping of the mother giving birth at this time! Someone should send out a memo to all expecting parents in the Ukraine planning on videotaping the births of their offspring to make the genitals not seem so explicit; otherwise, mom and dad might face up to three years in the slammer.According to MosNews.com, The Ukrainian Ministry of Justice said that individuals may keep pornographic paraphernalia as long as it is used "for medical purposes." I would love for the Ukrainian government to hold a press conference and provide a detailed list of sufficient maladies that would earn one the privilege of keeping hardcore porn videos, copies of Playboy magazines, salacious comic books and erotic art. Perhaps, photos of nude women have a therapeutic effect on people chronically depressed from a longing for a playmate. Or maybe, plot-less sex scenes suppress flu symptoms.
Oh, how dare I sound so cynical? President Yushchenko is right. My birth country is too pure for such smut! We must think of the children, right? Because surely, fining people for possession of a Playboy magazine or an adult home video is the proper way to fix a struggling nation. It's not like the Ukraine suffers from an overwhelming prostitution rate due to a spike in sex tourism or from a dysfunctional government and a collapsing economy. No. No. Dirty magazines are leading the country down the drain, and so they have to go.
What do you think of President Yushchenko's decision to outlaw the possession of pornography in the Ukraine? Should such a law be passed in the United States?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 8)
7-03-2009 @ 8:05PM
Marina said...
Hahaha, we have to tell people not to make genitals too explicit when they videotape the births! Make love not porno/sex! Welcome back USSR! :)
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7-06-2009 @ 4:56PM
Simzee said...
Why even have babies....It's SEX. Apparently the Ukaraines hate SEX more than Americans. IMAO
7-07-2009 @ 5:08AM
storm said...
next thing you know, they'll be telling people they can't poop.
7-03-2009 @ 9:53PM
TomM said...
It looks to me like the Ukrainian government just hung itself. They've been screwing the people of Ukraine since the Soviet Union. Looks like now it will end because all the vulgar politicians will be locked up. Not a bad law for stupid politicians. Now too bad the USA doesn't come up with this law and all of our politicians and CEO's would be locked up. What a nice thought.
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7-07-2009 @ 2:47AM
john said...
yeah but if america made that law all of us would be in prison :O governments need to make sure before they sign a doctrine into law that its specific enough to not include things that are a part of history like paintings from the 1500s
7-04-2009 @ 9:28AM
Michael said...
Looks like a reversion into the govt. controlling everything. Best of luck to the porn lovers of Ukraine. If something like this were to pass in the US, I think I would be out very fast!
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7-07-2009 @ 3:11AM
max said...
amen bro
7-05-2009 @ 2:44PM
Ana said...
"...life-hating, Russian-speaking grandmothers with nothing to do but to sit outside on benches..."
So it is only Russian-speaking grandmothers who hate life and have nothing to do? What, Ukrainian-speaking grandmothers love life and and pass their time..... saving the country, ploughing the fields, hating Russian-speaking grandmothers?
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7-05-2009 @ 11:46PM
Jane Tuv said...
Thank you for the comment, Ana. I am happy that this blog post stirred conversation.
I'm sure that we can find Russian and Ukrainian grandmothers who hate their lives and/or have nothing to do and those who are being the best grandmothers they can be. In this case, though, the reference was not made out of favoritism or prejudice for either culture. Harlequin does not publish Ukrainian translations of its romance novels and does publish them in Russian and since Russian is the second major language spoken in Ukraine (in some regions of the country it's actually the first), the grandmothers in this reference have to be Russian-speaking (no matter whether they are Ukrainian-speaking, German-speaking, Turkish-speaking, etc. as well).
Many thanks,
Jane
7-04-2009 @ 10:43PM
John Davis said...
LOL, and I thought the US was bad! LOL
RT
www.anonymize.tk
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7-04-2009 @ 8:55PM
Maven said...
Why is it that people like the author of this article always pretend to be too stupid to understand the difference between porn and art? I've found that the average human being (when not pretending to be an idiot for ideological reason on the Internet) has no problem at all differentiating between art and porn. Pornographers certainly have no problem doing so. No, it's only snarky teenaged morons on the Web who claim to lack the higher brain functions necessary to tell them that "Anal Drillers 4" is probably Porn.
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7-06-2009 @ 5:14PM
Barbara said...
I could not have stated this better. Thank you for your great response.
7-06-2009 @ 5:49PM
Terry said...
THANK YOU! Nothing is black and white, but rather these arguments fall into the gray area of life. An area that, to discuss it with some amount of intelligence requires wisdom and experience - like what you, Maven, seem to have. I salute the Ukrainians for their intelligent attempt to work toward a better society - one that would hopefully produce fewer idiots like the majority of those responding to this article. Sadly, we Americans seem to be failing at maintaining a healthy morality in our society. We could take a lesson from the Ukrainians. At least they are trying to better themselves. So it may take some debate, some discussion, even some thought to come to a definition of porn, so what! We Americans used to be known for that kind of thinking... leading edge debates, redefining the workings of a society, making cutting edge changes, etc. At least discussion like this is a start.
7-06-2009 @ 7:33PM
Eileen said...
So are you going to be the one who sits at the desk where people come to have their art/porno approved/denied? "To your left is the hall where you can pay your fine. I will be keeping this as evidence."
7-06-2009 @ 8:00PM
jamal said...
thank you for being awesome. havent read a comment that made perfect since in a long time.
7-07-2009 @ 5:43PM
Jane said...
Sure, but what about naked pictures of men and women? I'm sure a lot of people photograph/paint pictures of naked women or men without sex as the prime motivation for doing so. Telling the difference between "Anal Bangers" and a 1500 hundred year old naked statue is easy, but there IS a grey area that need to be recognized.
7-07-2009 @ 6:49PM
roglo said...
Maven,
Nicely written. However I disagree with your opinion on the author. He only suggested that "art" could be considered "porn". The definition of porn as he concluded is vaque and could be corrupted. Don't place too much confidence in your moral pedestal, it could be easily kicked away when there is nothing left for confused moralist law-bringers to topple!
7-07-2009 @ 7:45PM
marg said...
No kidding....porn is not healthy...it has ruined a lot of relationships and lives. How disrespectful and sick is it that women are treated like that? Paid to take their clothes off for a dirty old man to leer at or teen age boys to learn an unhealthy attitude about women and sex. How women can let men exploit them like that is just stupid. Hugh Hefner is a dirty old man. When he was young he was just plain creepy! Wake up girls, stop being sluts.
7-04-2009 @ 8:50PM
James said...
The vilification of sex isn't just misguided morality, it has a definite purpose, militarism. Government and religious control of sex and the sublimating of sexual energy into violence and hatred has been going on since the dawn of civilization.
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7-06-2009 @ 4:05PM
Ziggie B. Freud said...
You have learned your lessons well, grasshopper.