Kate Gosselin: A popular brand self-destructs
Filed under: Home, Career, Relationships, Celebs & Money
As Jon and Kate Gosselin's marriage has slowly self-destructed, Kate is finding that the brand she has so carefully built is under attack. A children's clothing line that she produced with Healthtex is on hold, and her latest book, Love in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories, has been sidelined while she and her husband work out their divorce.Reading through articles about these speedbumps, it's hard to miss the barely-concealed glee that underlies the reporting. Over the past few months, bashing Kate Gosselin has become a popular sport in America. By now, even people who haven't seen the show know that Kate can be disturbingly stern with her kids, that she is mean to her husband, and that she is greedy when it comes to snatching up the freebies of quick cable fame. Pundits have endlessly attacked her weight, her behavior, her child-rearing, and her hairstyle, until it seems that Kate isn't so much a person as the heart of a cottage industry in verbal brutality.
In a broader context, however, criticizing Kate is a joyless experience, largely because her downfall seems so completely, iconically American. A brief look at Kate's transformation from dowdy, dark-haired housewife to toned, hard-charging übermom functions as a visual primer on American ideals. Kate's current look, from her distinctive hairdo to her bronzed skin, reflects the emergence of a brand. In the past few years, Mrs. Gosselin has lived the American dream, morphing from devoted parent to media icon, from the woman who lived in a shoe to Kate Gosselin Omnipedia.
By comparison, her husband just seems to have gotten dowdy. Jon Gosselin suffers from that most un-American of failings: he's unambitious. Seemingly content to chug along at a dead-end job, playing backseat to a far more vivacious wife, he is a natural second-banana, a neighbor who can be counted on to provide for his family and show up at barbecues, but not the kind of guy who will end up running his own corporation.
In many ways, Jon has become a stone around Kate's neck. Even after he quit his job and became a full-time employee of Kate Gosselin, Inc., Jon seemed to sleepwalk through his life, happy to let his wife call the shots while he softened the edges of her occasionally too-tough love. In context, it's not hard to understand why Kate feels like she has to provide for the needs of her children.
The tough part about villainizing Kate is the fact that she doesn't seem to think she has a choice. Listening to her explain the activities that she gives her kids, one can hear a heavy helping of self-justification in her tone. On the show, even the most carefree of pastimes has a definite purpose, be it improving eye-hand coordination, increasing personal time, or working on fine motor skills. Over time, it begins to seem that Kate isn't running a family, so much as some sort of B.F. Skinner-inspired child-rearing experiment.
Beneath the "Mom as CEO" tropes, however, there is a piercing insecurity that is all too familiar. As parents increasingly obsess about their children's futures, free play and unstructured activities have become luxuries that few families think they can afford. Listening to Kate's voice, it isn't hard to hear, underlying the brittle self-confidence, a large dollop of fear. Like so many parents, Kate is so terrified of failing her children that she seems to have a hard time balancing in the need for fun.
Similarly, Kate's treatment of Jon, while painful to watch, is only a slight exaggeration of the dominant social perception of men. She seems to see her husband as an incomplete, emotionally-stunted, lump, the final child in her program: Kate Plus Nine. While Kate's condescension toward Jon is often hard to stomach, it becomes much easier to understand if one mentally replaces him with Homer Simpson, Kevin James, Peter Griffin, or almost any other father figure on television today. The cultural touchstones for confident, intelligent, hard-working fathers are few and far between, and Kate's misandry is all too familiar.
It isn't hard to see why this house of cards has come crashing down. In a culture that downplays masculine worthiness and demands perfection from children, most moms probably feel a pressure to become Kate. The problem is, however, that many of these assertions are fundamentally wrong. Parents don't have to be perfect. Men aren't completely useless. Children and their caregivers are allowed to just have fun. Until these simple truths regain cultural relevance, however, Kate Gosselin will be a realistic -- if perhaps slightly outsized -- depiction of the genuine problems facing every mom.
Reader Comments (Page 2 of 11)
7-03-2009 @ 7:45AM
tammie said...
It's WOMEN like you who make men act the way he does. He is the childrens father also. It's a falsity for why Kate act as she does. He is NOT her child. Your comments just tell me you are a controlling person the same as Kate. The man had a job...believe me He would have rather continue to work and provide for his kids then to be home everyday listening to Kate complain and b**ch!
7-03-2009 @ 9:17AM
rachael said...
I agree with you completely. Kate is a survivor, she has the kids best interest at heart. She is only providing for her family the way she knows how. It seems like Jon is having an early life crises and hates his responsibility. I think that the media is terrible to them, The press loves when good goes to really bad. I think that it is great the TLC took a break from shooting the show, that shows class, and I bet Kate had something to do with it. I could not believe how nasty Jon was at the end of shooting with Kate.
7-03-2009 @ 10:08AM
Nanette said...
Kate is a misandrist who hates her boys and husband. She's never offered the boys one ounce of kindness or encouragment. She's mocked, ridiculed, even emotionally tortured them on camera.
Don't call her a survivor because "I" am a survivor of abuse and infidelity. I had a spouse like Kate, only male.
However, Kate can get away with her behavior on TV while a man would be in jail by now if he did to his wife and daughters what Kate has done to her sons and husband.
Take off your blinders---- the woman has a fleet of staff and has driven away all (yes ALL) close friends and family. She has time to be away 20 days out of the month, have boob jobs and spa trips.
Yet she doesn't have time to be a good or loving mother. Hell, human for that matter.
Watch the kids around her versus around Kate. Any judge breathing can see which is the wamer, kinder, loving parent.
7-03-2009 @ 11:32AM
Believe said...
I agree with you. It is difficult to have someone engaged in a passive role and you HAVE to be the one who steps forward more and more or needed things don't get taken care of. I lived this way and people saw me becoming a "Kate". I only knew someone had to do it and if I didn't ask him constantly to help or do it myself, the kids would sit in dirty diapers, never be fed, house would be a mess, lawn a problem, etc., I only had 3 kids. That was difficult, but I did it and do it now. My ex is a vp for a large company, is intelligent, college educated and well versed.
If not on this show, how engaged with the kids would Jon be? We have already seen the distance he has placed between himself and the kids. Remember as one person has stated, these are his kids, too and they miss HIM even if he is doing little, he's doing more than he will ever be able to recognize by staying married to Kate and working through things. It is not distance from Kate that is needed. He sacraficed the kids immediately for his own happiness, to find what he wanted. His passiveness, feeling less of a man because he doesn't work outside of the home while she helps support the family...how many men would change places to be with their children? Ask those now who thought the grass was greener on the other side.
Both parents need to bend, Jon needs to step up to the plate and recognize the strength he has there without working outside the home. Kate needs to relax and give Jon recognition for this alone. Both parents need time away...not just working and traveling for work. Not just vacationing with the kids.
I pat the parent or person on the back who made the decision to rotate parents vs. kids during visitation. It would have been too difficult for the kids anyway.
Lastly, even with help, watch the enormous amount of organization that Kate has and watch who most often these kids are with and who they go to. They love both parents as kids do, but usually when kids are young they favor the care
taker!
My heart breaks for this entire family. My 3 children still hurt to this day from my own divorce. If I could have gotten my ex husband to understand how valueable he was in my 3 children's day to day lives, they may not hurt as much as they do now.
One cannot make another do something or feel something. I think that is when you begin to become a "Kate".
7-06-2009 @ 2:26PM
cindy said...
This has been my sentiment all along. Grow up Jon...these 8 children are your responsibility too..full time not just on the weekends.
7-06-2009 @ 11:57AM
ATootsie said...
I'm sorry I disagree about Jon not having ambision, I believe this whole thing was Kates idea from the beginning! He even said once it wasn't his choice. And once Kate started to be away he had no choice but to quit his job to be home with the kids. That does something to a mans self being. I also feel that once Kate started to get away with her book signings staying over night in nice hotels with her body gaurd, she liked it! I feel she was the one who cheated first! I always have told my husband what's fair for goose is fair for the gander or visa versa! So once Kate told him their marriage was over he just wanted to go out and have some fun too! Anyway it's all past history now!
7-02-2009 @ 10:43PM
lalpri said...
It's really a fantastic article.well done..........
Recruitment Agency
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7-02-2009 @ 11:23PM
singingnewyorker said...
well done you...brilliant article. I think in years to come the kids will love their dad and resent their mom. Jon=life and fun Kate=drive and control
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7-03-2009 @ 1:01AM
Barb said...
Nice thought
Barb
nursing careers
7-06-2009 @ 11:41AM
puppylover said...
I also agree that kate is controlling. but also she expects waaaaaaaaaaaay more out of Jon than she should but Jon is a pig! He doesnt have his whole life ahead of him if he's like 40 something!! I was impressed at first when the show was aired but now im disgusted that not just TLC, but any channel would air the show now that theyre having all these problems. So now instead of TLC showing a family on an amazing journey through life with 8 kids, as intended, their showing a family who's mom is being destroyed by America's brutal comments which the press thinks makes the story '' juicier'', a dad whos given up on his family until the weekends to hang out with every good looking woman in their 20's at bars and pubs. The press might think its cool but its not! what has America become if all Americans want to see are peoples reputations destroyed, marriges fail, and 8 kids who watch their lives as a happy TLC reality family quickly crumble into misery, nasty comments,tears, and press photos. JUST LEAVE THE POOR FAMILY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7-03-2009 @ 12:54AM
mary said...
Good article. While Kate annoyed many of us with her behavior and shameless marketing, John has become nothing short of a pig. His diamond studs and caps on backwards are pretty lame for a man in his 30's. He complains about having no privacy but for some reason made is clear he will continue on the show. I guess he can't continue to ski and party with his bimbos if he gets a day job.
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7-03-2009 @ 1:12AM
emily said...
Very well done article. I'm glad to see Kate pulling back and letting these people heading up these projects know that she means it when she said they are focusing on what is best for the kids. While everyone wants to cheer to the demise of books and clothing lines, that is not what is going on here. She is pulling back on things for all their sakes. The projects will go on or morph into other opportunities but I think they should be applauded for (yes, finally) taking steps to get the media off their backs for a while.
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7-03-2009 @ 2:50AM
Sharla Smith said...
I'm a stay at home mom and self appointed part time child advocate. I must say that your article was exhilerating. I loved reading it the first time and I reread it a second time. Amen. Halleluya! Great article!
Please feel free to visit a couple of sites that I really like. I'm sure that you find the posts very intellectually stimulating.
GWoP without Pity blog: http://gwop-without-pity.blogspot.com/
Princess Boards: Gosselins Without Pity: http://princessmc.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=Books&action=display&thread=2545&page=1
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7-03-2009 @ 10:15AM
SusieD said...
Sharla,
I just checked out the two web sites you posted! Thank you for posting the GWOP site, I'm sending it to all my collegues who work in foster care, and feel the same way about J&K and their child exploitation and abuse.
As a Social Worker in foster care, I wish more people would educate themselves in the different types and levels of child abuse and mistreatment.
Thanks again for the link, it's great to see that the general public is concerned about these kids.
7-03-2009 @ 9:46PM
Regina said...
I Like Kate! I have watched the show for years and Know that "Nurse" in her. My mother was a nurse and they are very different people, believe me!! You cannot save people's lives(which is what nurses do) being passive and whimpy. The first time they used fertility methods the result was twins so the second time they expected to have the same result but was surprised with 6 and Kate would not even consider killing even one in the womb ........I do not see Kate's behavior toward her husband under the circumstances as unusual at all and even if it were how does that nullify the marriage vows and give excuse to run off to bars, pick up women, be an adulterer, drunkard and liar and then come out being the victim!!
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7-03-2009 @ 10:03AM
Elle said...
I work in healthcare and a 'nurse' like Kate would be fired very soon. BEFORE she caused our facililty lawsuits for patient abuse and neglect. Don't disrespect a wonderful profession by using someone as narcissistic and uncompassionate as Kate as it's example.
7-03-2009 @ 8:15AM
Sharon said...
Before we become too glee full about the postponing of Kates "STUFF", it has been noted that Kate herself has postponed her book, and clothing line, so Jon can't get any of the income associated with this "STUFF". She is one scary
B---H.
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7-03-2009 @ 8:27AM
tallcoolbeauty said...
I live in Berks County, PA (where the Gosselins reside), I find this article intriguing, and it makes some valid points, and some points to question. The writer states that men aren't "completely useless"...I hate to say this but he were to travel to Berks County, he would see that Jon Gosselin is a typical Berks County man - not terribly ambitious, not terribly educated, more than a bit childish, and would prefer to spend his time partying with co-ed 20-somethings than taking care of his children....I'm not condoning Kate's behavior, but as a single mother myself, I can understand and appreciate why she feels she has to take charge of her family....this is a position that a lot of Berks County women find themselves in: being parents not only to their children but also being parents to grown men who behave like children.
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7-03-2009 @ 9:04AM
DDK said...
Everyone bashes Kate for taking care of herself and looking better today than she once did. I take it as good for her. I hope someday when I have children and get her age I will continue to take care of myself and better myself than just sit back and look rough all the time. I think her transformation has nothing to do with fame but all to do with bettering herself and her life. As for John seriously, he is the most inconsiderate and selfish person. He is in his thirties and now decides he needs time to himself and he has to do this for him (oh "and the kids") a few minutes later. He is completely selfish and immature. Thank goodness Kate does have them on a strict schedule. She found something she is good at and she is pursuing it. I cant blame her at all!!! It all has to do with her children and thinking of her children. although the marriage is awful and wont help the children I think its sad it has come to this!
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7-03-2009 @ 9:04AM
Sandy said...
This article is really fantastic. I love how it analyzes the sociocultural elements of the Jon & Kate story. Very, very thoughtful. Another fantastic article that really puts this entire Gosselin saga to rest is the one below. These two pieces really tell it as it is!
"The 'Jon & Kate' Sideshow"
http://elitestv.com/pub/2009/06/celebrity-scales-the-%e2%80%98jon-kate%e2%80%99-sideshow-star-studded-legal-commentary-for-the-celebrity-obsessed#comment-12068823
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