Recession weapons: Can't afford guns? Use Cheetos!
Filed under: Sex Sells, Food, Relationships
It's been a pretty amazing week for snack foods. In addition to delivering nacho cheese and big, crunchy flavor, Frito Lay's Cheetos and Doritos brands have also been offering a hearty helping of domestic warfare and illicit sex. No, this trend isn't part of a new prize promotion, although it is worth asking what, exactly, the company has been putting into its snacks. In Shelbyville, Tenn., for example, one of Frito Lay's products apparently inspired a couple to go face-to-face in a battle royale. Their weapon of choice? Cheetos.
Yes, Cheetos. The little orange squiggles of corn, oil, and fake cheese are, apparently, a major incitement to violence. According to Cpl. Kevin Roddy of the Bedford County Sheriff's department, 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and 44-year-old Mary S. Childers were involved in "a verbal altercation" that escalated until the two were hurling puffy cheese crunchies at each other.
Roddy went on to note that "there was evidence of the assault [but there were] no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined." It is unclear what the "evidence of the assault" consisted of, but one assumes orange fingers would be a big tip-off.Roddy charged both Taylor and Childers with domestic assault, and both were released on $2,500 bail. They will appear in Bedford County court on July 15. Hopefully, security personnel will be checking for snack foods at the door.
As if the Cheetos assault incident wasn't enough, an Oklahoma-based employee of Frito Lay ran afoul of the law when he allegedly purchased the affections of a prostitute in return for a case of Doritos.
The snack-loving woman, Lahoma Sue Smith, was parked in an area known for prostitution, and alerted police to her presence when she began "trying to catch a date" by flashing her headlights. Her customer, who hasn't been named, apparently didn't have any money. However, Smith was willing to exchange her favors for the chips, which were valued at $30.
When officers approached Smith's car, she and her passenger were partially undressed. The police charged Smith with prostitution and driving on a suspended license, to which she pleaded not guilty. She was fined $1,142, and there is no word on whether she was allowed to keep the Doritos.
Apart from the fact that Frito Lay may have just found three of its most compelling future spokespeople, there is a larger question about the increasingly powerful position that snack foods have taken in America's economy. From weapons of domestic violence to the coin of the realm, it seems like, for scofflaws at least, Frito Lay might be all that and a bag of chips!



Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
6-27-2009 @ 12:09PM
JOEL said...
Recession hurt everyone , they could not afford bullets for their gun so they used cheetos , how about eyes lashes ........
Reply
6-27-2009 @ 1:47PM
cjleete said...
She was all that, and a bag of chips!!
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:00PM
Maria said...
"DID HE USE SALSA TOO? OR JUST THE DIP?.........LOL
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:05PM
mark said...
does this mean that there is going to be a 7 day waiting period for a bag of cheeto's
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:09PM
Brenda said...
No one can eat just one.
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:12PM
carl w.landers said...
maybe we can get nations to fight this way.look what they would save.lol
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:24PM
Russell said...
Dr...my penis has turned orange
Well sir..any changes in your life recently?
Well Dr not much..since I lost my job all I do is sit around watching porn and eating cheetos
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:28PM
anthony said...
the fact that someone actually takes the time to write an article about this stupid incident just goes to show what losers are working for aol and what the media actually cares about, which is nothing. stop wasting peoples time with a witty caption to get them to read your stupid articles about nothing get a life and something interesting to write about LOSER
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 5:19PM
mesaman said...
The only LOSER I have read here is one named ANTHONY. Apparently he grew up in an orphanage and was never taught any couth.
7-09-2009 @ 3:10PM
Jinja said...
Um, Anthony - why are you reading it then...? And taking the time to submit comments as well?
6-29-2009 @ 3:36PM
mesaman said...
LAHOMA SUE SMITH you are the 'FRITO LAY" of the year. And your prize; a case of Doritos and a fine of $1142.
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 3:46PM
wern2soccr said...
I like that! A case Doritos $30.00, Being fined for prostitution $1,142 and being dubbed Frito "Lay" of the year...PRICELESS!!!!
6-29-2009 @ 3:36PM
allears said...
Stupid. Just....stupid.
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6-29-2009 @ 3:39PM
Paul said...
I am surprised that you got one major fact in this article wrong - Cheetos are made with real cheese...as are CheezDoodles. Cheetos uses a liquid cheese, Doodles a powdered cheese. Both contain real aged cheddar (along with a multitude of nasty chemicals).
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6-30-2009 @ 9:18AM
Len said...
No one attested to whether they were "Crunchy" Cheetoes® or "Puffed", "Curley", or "Balls"
Seems I would use the crunchy for flinging. (A natural for poking out an eye and much stronger than puffs!) But watch out if I start using my balls!
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6-29-2009 @ 4:11PM
PJB said...
SO IF SHE ALERTED THE PO LICE WHY WAS SHE ARRESTED... STUPID QUESTION... SHE WAS WORKING FOR THE PO LICE AND WAS NOT CHARGED... OR GAVE HEAD TO THE JUDGE...WHAT THE F--CK......??? FUC-ING WHORE PROBLY GOT A BURGER KING OR PIZZA HUT REWARD,,
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 5:17PM
mesaman said...
Your mama needs to wash your mouth out with soap.
6-29-2009 @ 4:40PM
KITZER said...
Anthony -- So I guess you just classified yourself as a "loser" by reading and wasting your time on something other than "Murdering a Child", "Paying Someone to Rape Your Wife", ETC!!! If you can't stand to read something that has a bit of humor or levity, don't even click on the story! Go elsewhere and stop bothering "Real Human Beings"!!
Reply
6-29-2009 @ 7:31PM
carl w.landers said...
sometime we need stupid .we need to lol
Reply