Why argue about retirement? Keep working ... and keep your mouth shut
Filed under: Budgets, Retire, Relationships
On the eve of my friend Bill Frank's 80th birthday, his wife Winnie announced that if Bill made the decision to retire she would be forced -- after 60 years of wedded bliss -- to pack up and move in with her sister in Indiana.I used to think Bill and Winnie were unique. But now as my husband and I approach retirement and the crabby-old-goat stage ourselves, it's clear that arguing over what comes next is hard to avoid.
A survey by Fidelity Investments featured in this USAToday.com story, concludes that 80% of couples don't see eye to eye on retirement.
• 60% disagree about when to retire• 44% argue over whether to work in retirement
• 44% can't agree whether to sell the house
• 42% have differing ideas about what the day-to-day will be like after they hang it up
And get this, only 15% of couples trust the other to manage the family's finances if they personally were unavailable to do the job.
In the next sentence, after reporting this statistic, Fidelity says pompously, "It is very important, especially during highly volatile markets, that couples talk regularly and openly about their financial situation, assessing their time horizon, risk tolerance and asset allocation."
If you can't agree on whether to retire, when to retire, what to do after retirement or where to live in retirement, and you don't trust your spouse to know his butt from first base about managing your joint bank account, why would Fidelity suggest that people ought to talk more about these topics? Surely, it's clear that talking more can only make things worse.
My theory -- especially in light of the current economic meltdown -- is that couples past 50 should just shut up and keep working. Few of us are going to have any other options anyway. And if you work, you have less time to argue and more money to spend on whatever you want -- whether he likes it or not.
Just because you've grown old together doesn't mean you'll ever see life in the same light -- and, really, do you have to? Next winter, for instance, I'm going to Florida for the month of February. I've lined up a condo on the beach. I'll work a little and enjoy the sun a lot. My husband, an accountant who runs an actuarial department for an insurance company and sees life through a very different lens, plans to spend February in frozen Michigan working on his favorite kinds of geeky calculations.
I'm happy. He's happy. Isn't that what it's all about?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
6-24-2009 @ 9:58AM
Flax Chick said...
How old are the people they are interviewing? My husband and I argue about a fair amount of things. Retirement is never ever one of them. We tend to argue more over who changes a diaper, who talked harshly to the other one, what we want for dinner day to day stuff. Please... I have twin toddlers running around, retirement is the last thing on my mind.
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6-24-2009 @ 4:25PM
brandon said...
To me this article sounds completely sexist, but in a form not often seen. Its like an encouragement for girls to stay bimbos, not work, let the man take care of you even if he's busted his ass for the past 50 years, just so you can relax at your condo on the beach. Maybe if you didn't spend so much time relaxing on your husbands wallet, he'd have time to spend a weekend with you on the beach, but because your so selfish you need a whole month to urself on the beach, he's gotta spend the month in the office.
Don't tell the world that just because your marriage ended in you being completely incompatible with your partner, and grubbing money off him so he can't retire, that thats a good relationship or a healthy way to address the future.
Jennie L. Phipps, your marriage clearly has some serious problems and I suggest you seek counseling for it.
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6-24-2009 @ 10:34AM
Stam said...
My wife and I were both lucky to take early retirements because of the economy slowdown and we have had a ball because of it. No complaints here.
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6-24-2009 @ 10:33AM
BOOWAH said...
Couples grow apart for one reason...genetic incompatability! A man wants to retire in order to spend time doing things with his wife that he hadn't been able to do while working. A woman it seems wants to maintain the status quo that existed while hubby wasn't in the way. This could be as radical as having someone on the side to having gotten used to living alone and liking it.I too have begun to feel in the way and unnecessary. When you couple that with the loss of pride that I felt while doing my job, it's a recipe for disaster. Welcome to depression city!
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6-24-2009 @ 10:59AM
Kaleign said...
Well to start off, existing couples need to communicate. They need to be able to discuss these sorts of topics. They need to find a common ground on the particulars of their retirement will include. If they cannot and do not communicate these things, this can and eventually will lead to a resentful end to their lives. Who wants to live like that??
If you can't find a solution together then it may be time to find a mediator (a marriage counselor is a good choice) that can help temper the discussion if it gets heated or difficult.
Also, for you young couples, it would be far better and smarter to talk about these sorts of things earlier and throughout the relationship at some point. After all, we talk about whether or not we want to get married, have kids, or what sort of work we want to do for a living. We talk about going back to college, going on vacation, buying a car, and buying a house. We talk about investing in the stock market (which, for most of us, is what we do to plan for our retirement, yes?). These are all mostly about financial planning and expenses. So it only makes sense that we talk about our retirement plans because if nothing else, retirement is one of the LAST financial details that have to be ironed out.
Too many people spend more time thinking about today than they do about tomorrow. They think "I've got time for that later". Then one day it hits them: It's time to retire and they haven't prepared for it at all!
And as for you people not in a relationship, well, it would be wise to try to find someone (if you're looking for love, that is) who has a similar viewpoint on retirement. You may not agree later in life (as these things can change over time), but the more you talk about it and keep each other "in the loop" about your own thoughts on these subjects, the better and smoother things will be.
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6-24-2009 @ 12:06PM
Sonja said...
My husband does not want to retire and I feel I need to honor that wish. But, he recently was terminated from his present job making retirement look like it might happen whether he likes it or not because of his age. We will not have any financial hardships because we both are old enough for Social Security and a couple of pensions plus he'll get unemployment. He would like to at least get part-time work. I do hope that either he retires or does part-time work, because all of these years he has been so completely overtaken by his work with only short vacations taken only at certain times that it would be wonderful to be able to travel and not always be in a hurry. And, our house is in need of lots of work that he would finally have time to do. Maybe that is why he doesn't want to retire!?
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6-24-2009 @ 1:16PM
Jill said...
Now that I am retired I found a new pet to keep me company!
My "Pet" TickleMe Plant is the REAL Plant that MOVES when you Tickle It! The leaves instantly fold and even the branches droop when tickled! I found it on line at Http://www.ticklemeplant.com It loves being tickled so I Tickle It several times a day. Who know a houseplant could move and love affection.
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6-24-2009 @ 2:21PM
Jan said...
Who has time to argue? We have a set of twins, 5 . A granddaughter who's 5. And a new grandson that's 6 months old. We are the defined babysitters, as our kids trust their children with no one else. We'll retire when we're dead!!
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6-24-2009 @ 2:26PM
Jim said...
Winnie sounds like the typical, materialistic, money-grubbing American BITCH. Never mind that she's old; gold diggers come in all age groups. I'd say Bill needs a DIVORCE; he's supported her sorry ass long enough, he's paid more than his fair share of dues. Time to unload the dead weight. Let's just see her make it on her own!
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6-25-2009 @ 2:26PM
bt said...
talk about a Win Win situation.
Retire and the wife leaves.
Where do i sign up?
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