Charitable conundrum: Family offered help we don't (totally) need
Filed under: Charity, Relationships
Yesterday, I received a phone call asking for "Mr. or Mrs. Hanson" -- my husband's last name, which I generally attribute to either telemarketers or those affiliated with the Army Reserves, for which he's a Specialist. The woman said she was with the American Legion, and wanted to talk about a gift basket. My first thought was that she wanted a donation -- but no. She wanted to give us a basket.
I'm not going to lie and say we're flush with cash, but I don't consider us to be in need of charity; we have a house with a mortgage we can (barely) afford, we pay our gas bill and power bill before the shut-off notices start coming, we buy organic produce from the farmer's market (though we trade off many things -- like entertainment and travel and home electronics -- so we can afford healthy, toxin-free food). For a split second, I thought about saying, "no! we don't need it silly!" but realized that would be rash at best, ungrateful and insulting at worst. I asked many of my friends their advice, and to a one, they told me I should accept the basket with grace and, if I didn't need what was inside, give it to someone else who did.
Now I'm looking forward to picking up the basket this weekend, and wondering how I'll decide to whom the contents should go; perhaps I'll visit a local nonprofit servicing homeless families, as this is one cause about which my heart really breaks (especially as my hometown is experiencing 10 days of a cold snap just in time for the holidays). But I'm wondering what WalletPoppers think: if you were offered charity, but felt you didn't totally need it, what would you do?
I'm not going to lie and say we're flush with cash, but I don't consider us to be in need of charity; we have a house with a mortgage we can (barely) afford, we pay our gas bill and power bill before the shut-off notices start coming, we buy organic produce from the farmer's market (though we trade off many things -- like entertainment and travel and home electronics -- so we can afford healthy, toxin-free food). For a split second, I thought about saying, "no! we don't need it silly!" but realized that would be rash at best, ungrateful and insulting at worst. I asked many of my friends their advice, and to a one, they told me I should accept the basket with grace and, if I didn't need what was inside, give it to someone else who did.
Now I'm looking forward to picking up the basket this weekend, and wondering how I'll decide to whom the contents should go; perhaps I'll visit a local nonprofit servicing homeless families, as this is one cause about which my heart really breaks (especially as my hometown is experiencing 10 days of a cold snap just in time for the holidays). But I'm wondering what WalletPoppers think: if you were offered charity, but felt you didn't totally need it, what would you do?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
12-17-2008 @ 8:56AM
Mom to 3 said...
This just happened to me too. It wasn't from the American Legion or any other organization, but from our Girl Scout Leader of which my daughter is a trop member. Our leader told me she had a ham she and her husband couldn't eat and would I like to have it, for the Holidays? I said sure, thank you, knowing, that yes Christmas would be tight, but I could afford to buy Christmas dinner. But like in the above article, how do you gracefully say no thank you to someone who is trying to help.
Let me set this up...on Sept 2, my husband lost his job. It wasn't until November 1st that he started working again. That was a long two months and money that normally would have gone to Christmas went to pay 2 mortgage payments and our 2nd installment of property taxes. We have stayed current, by the Grace of God of course, on our other utilites.
Christmas will be much smaller than in years past, but this is okay and my children know this already. What I wasn't expecting from our Troop Leader, was that inside of the card she attached to the Ham, was a check for 100.00 and a note saying "Hope this helps!" Happy Holidays, Love The *****'s.
I don't know how to respond to this as no one has ever done this for me before. I do not want it to go unmentioned and I don't want to make our troop leader uncomfortable. I am going to send a nice Thank you to her and her family, but is there something else I should do?
any nice replies welcomed....
Reply
12-17-2008 @ 7:37PM
rose said...
Hi, I think you should accept it with grace and thank her with a card and God with a prayer. Then pass-it-on, as they say, the first chance you get to help someone else when the opportunity comes your way.
12-17-2008 @ 10:27AM
KB said...
Don't be too shocked by this generosity. This year my entire family (aunts uncles...kids) have all agreed to adopt a family instead of buying more for ourselves. The chosen family isn't in dire straits, but the mom is on dialysis and is a little strapped for cash. It is a shame that giving unexpectedly in this day and age is not more common place.
Having just spent the last week volunteering for a gift's for foster kids program, I couldn't bear the thought of another sweater for dad or another bath gel set that never gets opened. Please understand that sometimes it isn't about need, but the true spirit of giving. I think these troubled times are just what some of us need to make us realize that all of the excess in our lives is only to make us feel better. I am not rich, but richer indeed for thinking of others, before myself. I hope that the kids in our family remember this Christmas most of all.
12-17-2008 @ 10:37AM
Terri said...
I think you should accept it in the spirit it was given--an application of the Golden Rule. A thank you note would be nice but don't keep bringing it up or you'll make things awkward. You might also consider offering to 'pay it forward' in the future. Many people who have been blessed financially look for opportunities to help others and don't want to be paid back. Paying it forward, helping someone else when you're able to, is a way of showing you appreciate the help you were given and adds another blessing by making the money work for someone else.
12-17-2008 @ 10:39PM
raggad;y said...
WHAT GRACE,
THANK YOU, FOR SHARING THE LOVE OF OUR LORD,
AND SAVIOUR, A NITE SO DIVINE, IT IS TRULY THE
THE LOVE OF , HIS AND OURS MIXED.
THANK YOU, SO MUCH YOUR LOVE WILL SPREAD,
GOD BLESS YA, HON,
RAGGS
12-17-2008 @ 2:52PM
sarah gilbert said...
Mom to 3, I think you should respond with a nice thank you note and some small handmade gift -- whatever you're good at, maybe cookies or jam or a little craft item. and definitely pay it forward :)
12-17-2008 @ 11:35PM
Cecilia M. said...
We are blessed to be a blessing. Consider yourselves a vessel from which you continually pour out to others. There are hundreds of thousands of families and single people that are in desperate need of our generosity and kindness. My friends & family pool our money and buy sleeping bags, warm clothing, toiletries, food, Bibles, etc. and distribute the items to the poor and homeless in our city. We may not personally know of someone in need, but we sure know where to find them!
Reply
12-18-2008 @ 7:53AM
sgustaf200 said...
Sarah,
The gift to your family from the American Legion is a THANK YOU for your husband's service to his country and the sacrifices made by your family. The gift giving is not based on NEED or CHARITY an should not be regarded as so. Accept and enjoy it. YOUR FAMILY DESERVES IT!
Reply
12-18-2008 @ 1:46PM
Jamie said...
I would accept it, so as not to hurt the feelings of the giver, send a thank you card if you are inclined and then give it to someone who may need it. Many organizations are collecting gifts / food for needy people so you might be able to connect with someone via an organization near you.
I don't feel right accepting gifts or help because we are fortunate to have all of our needs met. There are others who don't have the ability or means to provide the basics for their families and I'd rather contribute than take what I don't need.
Reply