Hottest products of 2008: Triple-Ply toilet paper
Filed under: Extracurriculars, Home, Shopping, Technology, Health, Relationships
In September, 2008, Georgia-Pacific took toilet paper further than it has ever gone before. With the introduction of Quilted Northern Ultra Plush, the world's first premium three-ply toilet paper, they not only broke tissue boundaries, but may have changed the "face" of America's bathrooms forever. Although this advance seems less impressive than a five-bladed razor or a micro-thin cell phone, it nonetheless represents a quantum leap forward in toilet technology. Thanks to the fine people at Georgia Pacific, Americans are no longer slaves to the two-ply dictatorship that has so long ruled their rear ends with an iron hand.Toilet tissue has always been a touchy topic in my household. When I was growing up, my father only let us use one brand: single-ply Scott tissue. Although he endlessly swore that his loyalty to Scott was based on concerns about the septic system, my sisters and I speculated that he was actually motivated by some weird Puritan psychosis. After all, our neighbors, with similar systems, stocked super-soft two-ply paper, while we were stuck with the brutal scratchiness of Scott's tush-tearer. All in all, it just seemed a little too perverse to be easily blamed on plumbing.
After I moved out, I liberated myself from the cruel world of Scott toilet totalitarianism. Remembering the sensuous images of Mr. Whipple squeezing the Charmin, I soon tried out the sweet embrace of what was to become my new septic siren. Charmin was everything that I had always expected: soft, luxurious, and durable. I never looked back.
In preparation for this article, I recently bought a 4-pack of Quilted Northern Ultra Plush. Feeling the stares of my fellow shoppers, I strode bravely to the checkout. I could easily imagine what they were thinking, with their barely-concealed envy toward my super-soft tissue. They were wondering why I was so special, why my nether regions were deserving of a little extra TLC. I thought about explaining that this was part of something much larger than one man's needs; this was a research project that was going to explore the boundaries of American toilet tissue. Ultimately, however, I decided to keep my mouth shut. After all, no man is an island, except in the bathroom.
I have to admit that I'm impressed. Quilted Northern Ultra Plush, while thicker than Charmin, is much softer and more pliant. Charmin has a linen-y stiffness to it, like a freshly-pressed napkin. It is a crisp tissue, mutely declaring its competence and strength. However, in comparison to the cloudlike, kleenex-soft finish of Ultra Plush, Charmin feels like a paper towel. I hate to say it, but Charmin may be the new Scott.
I don't know if my flirtation with Qulted Northern will end up turning into a full-fledged toilet tissue tempest. Much will depend on my wife, whose paper preferences are almost as defined as my own. Still, with its sweet softness and slightly lower price, I can sincerely state that Quilted Northern Ultra Plush is, at the least, a reasonable competitor for the great Charmin!
Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He tends to be a little too obsessive about his favorite brands.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
12-09-2008 @ 8:28AM
beachbum said...
You forgot to mention that this wonderful 3-ply toilet paper is now 1/2" narrower than regular T.P. So what's so great about 3-ply when the T.P. keeps getting more and more narrow. I'm sorry I bought this product - it will be my first and last 12 pack. I'm going back to regular T.P.
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12-09-2008 @ 9:32AM
pat said...
Your best buy is the one-ply tissue, either Scott or Cottonelle.
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12-09-2008 @ 9:41AM
David said...
Cashmere has been making 3-ply toilet paper here in Canada for years.
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12-09-2008 @ 10:23AM
carol said...
When I make my yearly trip to England to visit my siser, I have a large duffle bag filled with gifts for her kids. On the return trip I fill that duffle bag with plush British four-ply toilet paper. I have been doing this for years, and I always wondered why American TP is so inferior. I have enough of the plush stuff to last a few months (my private stock, I put Charmin in the guest bathroom).
Britain does have three-ply, too, which is good, but the four-ply is the best. Also, these rolls are regular sized (the old standard of "regular", not the tiny size that is labled as "regular" these days. Today the triple size rolls are what used to be standard size a few years back. Everything seems to be down-sized, but with an up-sized price.
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12-09-2008 @ 11:08AM
Milka Mezzacappa said...
After purchasing this toilet tissue, I was glad to finally finish with it. Since it is so much thicker, it constantly clogged the toilet. If you have an older plumbing system, stay away from it.
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12-09-2008 @ 12:07PM
Denise Williams said...
Wal-Mart has a store-brand, 3-ply tissue also: White Cloud Ultra. I love it. It's reasonably priced, and I have been buying it since last spring.
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12-09-2008 @ 12:47PM
MtnCircle said...
When it comes to toilet paper, it's the woman's opinion that counts!
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12-09-2008 @ 12:56PM
Skip said...
Not only is the "Ultra Plush" a toilet clogger and has smaller sheets... It is not as strong therefore rips easily. I can't wait to use up my 12 pack then return to regular Northern quilted (2-ply).
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12-09-2008 @ 1:22PM
Kent Freeland said...
Your editor's note says Bruce Watson is obsessive. He also needs a calendar. How is it that we're reading his Dec. 11 column on Dec. 9?
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12-09-2008 @ 2:13PM
SuKDu said...
Growing up in the '50's and '60's, there were basically two types of TP: 1000 sheet, one-ply Scott's and 2-ply everything else. My mother bought the 2-ply -- I don't remember the brands -- but they were ALL soft and had 500 sheets per roll.
Nowadays, the number of sheets/roll is a joke. If you believe the manufacturers, a "single" roll may now have less than 100 sheets, if they were ever available. Double rolls have less than 200 sheets, and even the "Mega" rolls usually have less than 400. Soft 2-ply is fine with me, but I want the 500-sheet rolls back!
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12-09-2008 @ 2:18PM
Gramma said...
it also will plug toilet.........
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12-09-2008 @ 3:06PM
roadrunner said...
Can this paper be flushed in the wonderful low flow toilets that the plumbing industry has blessed us with a testimony to their engineering , they only work if you sheet like a chicken.
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12-09-2008 @ 6:41PM
carl said...
Nothing new about 3 ply toilet paper. Its been on the market for at least 10 years in France specifically, and probably other countries in Europe.
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