Makeover needed: Weddings

That was stupid.

I hope your daughters marriage works.
And that you find a new financial advisor.

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I think one major problem with weddings is people are more concerned with how their centerpieces will look than saying their vows and actually doing something that means they will spend the rest of their lives with someone. People feel they have to spend $200 for a veil they can probably make for $5.00. People are getting less creative yet more demanding opting to go for packages and convenience. Packages can be cost effectivebut i refuse to marry at a place where 5 other marriages are happening.
Also, weddings use to be about the matrimony of two people as well as a gathering of friends and family, It has now become a social event of status where people feel they must invite 400 guests most of whom they hardly know. Yes, this is suppose to be the happiest day of your life but there is no logical explanation to have the best of everything. You don't need $500 silk tablecloths.

Some people bring in age and it may be a factor but I don't think it is in the way people think. Long ago the average wedding age was 18-19. They were barely out of highschool or barely in the workforce. They usually didn't have higher than highschool educations. Weddings were about joining in matrimony and had a lot to do with convenience Now people are getting married older, are more likely to have careers, and post graduate degrees. Weddings have become more of a fairytale treat because they have more to spend.

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The cost of weddings have skyrocketed because of people trying to show off and by doing so the prices have gone up. The wedding should be done as to remeber what is important, the vows, preachers and priests and JP's etc have upped their prices due to greed on their part and the important item is the couple and their vows not all the other junk. Wedding dresses have exorbient prices to the tune of being stupid. Caterers have upped their prices due to Hollywood movies and expepsive weddings shown in them. This whole wedding craze needs to revamp and lower their prices and remember what is important, the vows of the couple not the added attractions.

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Me and my wife got married this year for a tad under $4K. We had a wedding on the beach with 65 people who RSVP'd, which included paying for my 4 members of my wife's family to come down from Kansas.

The actual wedding costs were:

$800 for the wedding including photographer, decoration, use of a local rec center for 2 hours. We did a lot of our own decorating, and cut the costs, as well as allowed a lot of people who could not afford wedding gifts the opportunity to give their time. You can get use of municipal and park facilities for dirt cheap. My mom had some friends who worked at a bakery make the wedding cakes, and they did it for free and did a job that any professional would envy.

$1200 for a beach condo: That's where we and her family stayed for the week. It was more affordable than trying to booking 3-4 budget hotel rooms.

$700 for catering: we got it from a local BBQ place. They did a great job, the food was great and kept with the casual theme.

Wedding dress: $300. My wife bought the dress that looked beautiful on her on a website which she liked better than several dresses that cost many times more. Downside: she had to return her first choice when she found the dress did not look good on her. Make sure the site has a reasonable return policy. She also made her own veil and bought some inexpensive dress shoes from Payless (her theory which proved to be true: Her dress made her shoes impossible to see anyway.

$500 travel expenses: We carpooled from Kansas to Florida with her mother and grandmother with 1 night in a hotel each way; We payed another $400 for plane tickets for her sister and nephew.

The rings we had paid for before the wedding, so they weren't included in the budget.

Things we learned:

1. PLAN AHEAD or ELOPE; Give yourself plenty of time to plan. It'll give you time to educate yourselves, prioritize, and find the best values for the money

2. Set a budget and stick to it: Don't let yourself go over budget, period. Believe me, releasing doves from a covey to fly overhead may sound nice, but it won't make the day any more or less special. It's your wedding day: It IS special, no matter what the bells and whistles.

3. Improvise: make a plan A, Plan B, Plan C, especially with outdoor weddings where weather may be a factor. Expect something to go wrong, and unless it's the preacher having a heart attack, remember, there's very few things that will prevent you from getting married.

4. Remember: best case scenario the wedding will be over in an hour or two. The actual ceremony lasts about 20 minutes. THe cost of the wedding has 0 impact on the length and success of the marriage.

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I've realized the only part of my wedding I look forward to is when my husband-to-be sees me for the first time. This costs basically nothing. Pick a small moment, make that, and be happy!

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A wedding should be a religious or civil experience first and a party second. Whether you can afford to spend $500 or $50,000 doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are creating a day for the bride and groom and their families and friends that they will remember for years.

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My wedding in 2001 was around 5k, we each had 2 attendents.
When I asked my dad about a budget he said "if it costs 100.00, it costs 100.00. If it costs 5000.00, it costs 5000.00" lol I figured that was a resonable number.

The invitations came from the printers who has a store next to my husbands store, so we got a 'neighbors' discount.
I bought my dress for $500.00 at consignment wedding store and had it fitted there for around $100.00

My bridesmaids dresses came from Chadwicks catalog, we even paid for them!
The cake came from a local corner store bakery I didn't even know made wedding cakes! It was delicious, everyone loved it and there were no left overs!

Our wedding was at a local church where my in laws are members. We also held the reception in their hall. We hired a local professional DJ who gave us a great deal.

My husband made all the food the day before and his grandma popped it all in the oven for a reheat at dinner time. He made large pans of delicious pasta, cesar salad, fruit salads etc. nothing complicated.

We hit Michaels for silk floral arrangements, my mother in law did a beautiful job. I splurged and went for real flowers special ordered from a local florist for my bouquet, but since everything else had been so reasonable, it was ok.

We decorated the church and hall the day before before the rehersal with the silk flowers, balloons. The centerpeices were small globe fish bowls with glass stones, water and floating candles. We tied ribbons around them in our colors.
We had the rehersal dinner at a local chinese restaurant buffet.
Presents for our parents were unique picture frames we had found.

We had two photographers. One was a professional who did all the "studio" shots, one was a dear friend who is a photographer, but much different style. hers were all the candids of the day and I have to say they were our favorites by far. As her gift to us she took pics all day, developed and got triplets of all the countless rolls.

Our rings were very simple gold bands, we got them both for less than $200.00. My engagement ring was a family heirloom, passed to me by my mother in law.

All in all it was a big family event, took a lot of family helpers but everyone had a great time:)

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The whole focus is lost - it's not about the "wedding" - it's about the "marriage." Everyone has lost site of the relationship that is SUPPOSED to be "'til death us do part" in favor of a huge "monument to excess" that has become the "Wedding Day."
My husband and I were married in a beautiful azalea garden in a huge municipal park (free - and no "Florist's bill") in the company of immediate family and our closest friends, by a minister who was also a family friend, and had a picnic-pitch in reception afterwards, where all our friends had been asked to provide one dish to accompany the chicken (free - gift from a chef/friend of my mother's), a beautiful 3 layer wedding cake that rivaled the best bakery in town (my Maid of Honor's mother made for $40 plus the "parts"), punch and mints/nuts we provided, along with all the decorations and plates/flatware/glassware etc., for the relaxed, fun, stress-free party that followed the reception. My uncle was a professional photographer and provided that service as our gift, and guests each brought their own cameras and we got some of our best candids from them for free.
Our rings cost under $100 - yes, two real 14K white gold bands - and my engagement ring was paid for well before this so it didn't figure in to the wedding budget, but was still not extravagant by any means. The meaning behind it far outweighs the carat weight of the diamond in the setting. Just because I didn't have a huge "rock" on my hand or an extravagant wedding set didn't make me any less engaged then, or married now, than someone walking around with $35,000 of bling.
My dress was a beautiful floor length white "prom gown" purchased from a regional retailer just after "Prom Season" so it was on sale for $50, and my husband's suit came from a department store. My Maid of Honor and my Bridesmaid made their own gowns, for which I paid all the costs of the materials, patterns and hats, and I had my hair done up on my head, and a wreath of Baby's Breath in lieu of a veil. The Best Man wore his own suit. All told, we spent under $500 for the entire affair - and 33 years, two children and four grandchildren later, we are still quite happily married and plan on staying that way.
I've seen too many extravagant affairs still being paid for at the same time they're paying the divorce lawyers. People don't get married for the right reasons anymore - all they're looking at is an excuse to get as many big gifts (which they sometimes specify for people to buy for them - which is totally gauche) and put on a big fancy party to impress a bunch of people who really couldn't care less about your marriage - only about how many free drinks and plates of free food they can get out of the party following the ceremony at your expense. I've seen greedy, selfish brides proclaim "It's MY day and I want what I want!" without giving a hoot about the MARRIAGE they're entering into, or who has to pay for them to have "what they want" for one day of overblown hooplah.
As for priests, preachers, ministers, JPs and the like raising their prices out of "greed" - for Pete's sake - they have to live like the rest of us, and pay the same costs we do for the most part to live. There's no reason to expect that their costs should stay stagnant when ours are going up.
Marriages used to be family and community affairs - everyone had a stake in successful marriages and stable families, and they were all there for support in bad times. Now, it's all about the one-day show, and it's put on for people who don't give a hoot about you the day before, or the day after most of the time.

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