Makeover needed: Weddings
Filed under: Extracurriculars, Home, Relationships
The average wedding in America will cost $28,704 in 2008, according to industry watcher The Wedding Report. That's a slight dip from 2007, but the group predicts by 2013, the bill will rise to $33,552. That's way too much for a one day event, no matter how magical, romantic and life changing. According to the Census Bureau the median age (as of 2004) for a first time bride was 25 and a groom 27. That's way too young to be spending that kind of money on a party. Money is one of the top things couples fight about. You know what's life-changing: starting a marriage with $30,000 of debt.
I got married about three years ago, so I know how easy it is to get swept up in the notion of this once in a lifetime event. We were planning to be engaged for a year, get married in Chicago and only spend what we had saved. Then my now-husband's father got sick, we moved up the wedding to two months and had it in New York, where we live. Our budget went out the window but we still worked hard to keep every expense under control.
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One of the things we've found was that costs magically doubled whenever we said we were planning a wedding--especially for caterers. The solution: don't say it's a wedding unless you have to. We didn't go for any package. We patched together food from our favorite BBQ place, Blue Smoke; servers from an agency; a chef we liked. We bought a lot of stuff online--including my wedding dress. True I got one dress I didn't like, but I just donated it to charity and still came out way ahead of the bridal boutique price. We also shopped online for the bridesmaid dresses, the nostalgic candies and heartnut trees we gave away instead of almonds, and the bow-tie our dog Jolly wore. My friend Cora joked that the theme of our wedding was buy it online. The result was that we had a fun wedding that was truly our own.Rebecca Mead has written an entire book One Fine Day: The Selling of the American Wedding about how the $161 billion wedding industry gets couples young and old to buy a fairy tale experience. I've noticed that the older and more financially savvy my friends are, the less likely they are to have a full-blown, pre-packaged wedding. And it doesn't make them any less romantic.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
10-23-2008 @ 7:13AM
Lassie said...
$28,704. They'll be divorced before the bill is paid. My husband and I had to elope. Total cost for the day came to about $100 and that was over 20 years ago. I think it would be fun to put on a wedding with everything from the Dollar Store! I've even seen a wedding gown made from tablecloths and trimmings that was astonishingly beautiful.
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10-23-2008 @ 9:19AM
valerie said...
weddings don't have to cost that much if you know how to plan a decsent wedding without all the hooplah. i planned a wedding for my daughter and it only cost me 4000 dollars not bad i would say that was pretty cheap i know where and how to cut corners the most expensive part was the reception.
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10-23-2008 @ 10:19AM
MeLinda Templeton said...
Help! My daughter is getting married at our home on a lake and the expenses are mounting. How did you have your daughter's wedding for $4,000.00? The photographer we hired is half of that amount and then we'll have the caterer, etc. I would appreciate any advice and help you can give me. We're having a meal for everyone since the wedding is at 6:00 p.m. We have friends that are going to be her band at the reception and they are free but I will, of course, tip them about $50.00 each, so that's another $250.00. Did you tip the caterers that night? I read some tip and some don't. Thank you.
10-23-2008 @ 9:25AM
Ray said...
Sure there are some stupid people that spend too much on their wedding. But $28k as an average? I worked in the industry for years, and this figure is way out of line for the mid west. $5k to $10k is still enough for a very nice wedding. How do you inflate it to $28k? If you include the cost of the clothes of all the guests, the gas they all used to drive there, and the entire cost of the honeymoon, I think you would still be short.
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10-23-2008 @ 10:53AM
Justin said...
Here's how that average is so high. I just got married in Connecticut. The reception was only slightly higher quality than normal (compared to the 15 weddings I've gone to in the last 2 years) and compariable in cost to a Northeast wedding. It came out great and there were only a few things to skimp on (I voted against the band, but was overridden and it turned out to be good, because the band really made it a party). It would have been cheaper to do it on an off night (anything but Saturday, but what fun is that?)
$25,000 for food, drinks and service for 170 people (buffet)
$6,000 for the band and musicians
$5,000 for the rental of the building
$3,000 for the photographer
$1,000 for the videographer
$2,000 for the favors, wedding dress, decorations, center pieces
$750 for the shuttle bus
$500 for hotel rooms
$2,500 for the rings
=$52,500
That doesn't include the honeymoon.
We're not rich, but we (both families) budgeted for over a year and now we're left with only half of our honeymoon to Australia to pay off. Everyone involved said it was worth it.
10-23-2008 @ 5:32PM
Marie-Lucille said...
I believe that the average cost is way too high. I'm in the midst of planning my own wedding, and since the reception is the most expensive part, we've cut corners in other ways. For instance, my fiance' pointed out that people just throw away the invitations and such, so I went to a local office supply store & found everything I needed there at less than half the cost than if I had ordered them through a company. We're giving a donation to conservation instead of buying favors, and we won't be having monogrammed napkins or matchbooks. There are great books out there that help with saving money on weddings. It can be done, and be just as memorable and fun!
and Ray, I think they were refering to wedding costs on the East Coast, because that's how much they cost out here.
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10-23-2008 @ 10:00AM
khirsty said...
Wow - to spend so much to enjoy a day. My first wedding cost me and my parents many $$ and the marriage ended badly three months later. My second marriage took place in my parents home with only immediate family there. Cost - 0 $. We have now been married 30 years. I have two girls and WILL NOT opt for anything outrageous. Fortunately - they agree. We believe in keeping it simple and have fun. Many ways to do that.
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10-23-2008 @ 11:05AM
Maddie said...
We had a themed wedding (http://photomuse.com/wedding/MaddieTodd.com), most of which I paid for. I did a LOT of do it yourself things in order to keep costs low. What started it was that I went to a florist for an estimate never telling her it was for a wedding, but rather a party. I was specific in what I wanted and when I went back I was given a $4000 flower estimate! Trust me when I tell you that I really wasn't looking at expensive flowers. I ended up making bouquets, having a ton of fresh flowers (that I ordered from Sams club) and did it all for $600. Our entire wedding, including most of the honeymoon, the rings, food, decorations, our themed wedding outfits, shoes, tableclothes, you name it came to just over $10,000. I worked hard on keeping costs down. My only real splurge was my bouquet, which was one thing I didn't make.
I think spending $25K or more on a wedding is great if you have it, but why go into debt for one day? The fact of the matter is that most marriages don't last so it's really not a "once in a lifetime" party. It's more like a twice or twrice in a lifetime party.
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10-23-2008 @ 11:10AM
Jackie said...
My first wedding cost $80 in 1965, for flowers and the cake. I used a borrowed dress and my invitations were a wedding gift. My second (this August) cost $1,700, and that included the wedding dress, food, flowers, invitations, wheelchair transport for my mother and paying the minister and organist. With today's technology, you don't need a photographer. We simply asked everyone to bring their digital cameras and email us their photos (and designated someone to make photos with our own camera). After printing on photo paper, we have a beautiful album with over 150 pictures, and with a photographer, we would have been lucky to have afforded a few dozen. Of course, the fact that I made my own wedding cake did help. As a person who has made wedding cakes for others for years, I always advised the brides I was working with that people were coming to see them get married, not for a 6 course dinner! Finger sandwiches, nuts, mints, cake, punch, a deli tray, a fruit tray - that is plenty of food and with the help of a few good friends, can be done without the use of a caterer. Alcohol is just not a necessity. Neither is prime rib. Take that money and make a down payment on a house!
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10-23-2008 @ 11:26AM
Ashley said...
About having a $4000 wedding:
I was married in August 2008 and the wedding cost just under $4000. We had the wedding in a botanical garden-$500 included all set-up; my dress at white bridesmaids dress which was very simple and elegant- $150, my husband wore a suit that we bought- $200; flowers- my mom made all of the arrangements with artificial flowers (They are still Gorgeous!)- $300; we had light appetizers, heavy hors d'vours, beer, wine, and non alcoholic beverages for a cost of about $15/person and had about 100 guests, no DJ- we used an IPOD, the photographer was a family friend ($300), favors were about $1.50 each, flowers were the only decorations we had to buy/make, invitations from target ($60) and I printed them myself, my veil was borrowed from my sister, jewelry (my pearls that i already had), $50 for the magistrate who married us, etc.
Very simple and inexpensive
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10-23-2008 @ 4:28PM
ashley said...
I forgot to include the cake, $200, family friend made the wedding cake and grooms cake for that price! The topper for the wedding cake was $30.
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10-23-2008 @ 11:38AM
Maddie said...
We had a themed wedding
(http://photomuse.com/weddings/MaddieTodd/), most of which I paid for. I did a LOT of do it yourself things in order to keep costs low. What started the budget minded wedding was that I went to a florist for an estimate never telling her it was for a wedding, but rather a party. I was specific in what I wanted and when I went back I was given a $4000 flower estimate! Trust me when I tell you that I really wasn't looking at expensive flowers. I ended up making bouquets, having a ton of fresh flowers (that I ordered from Sams club) and did it all for $600. Our entire wedding, including most of the honeymoon, the rings, food, decorations, our themed wedding outfits, shoes, tableclothes, you name it came to just over $10,000. I worked hard on keeping costs down. My only real splurge was my bouquet, which was one thing I didn't make.
I think spending $25K or more on a wedding is great if you have it,
but why go into debt for one day? The fact of the matter is that most
marriages don't last so it's really not a "once in a lifetime" party.
It's more like a twice or twrice in a lifetime party.
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10-23-2008 @ 12:33PM
Mary said...
I would like to know when the old tradition of the bride's family paying for the wedding will change. It seems this country has come a long way but this needs to go............
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10-23-2008 @ 12:45PM
Will said...
28K? HA! If you are in the NYC metro area 35K is the minimum. The last two wedding i was at were aroudn 40,000 and 60,000 and the next one i am going to is around 90,000.
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10-23-2008 @ 1:05PM
LizZ said...
If it weren't for the television a lot more marriages would be sacred and the wedding cost a lot less. I can honestly give a great wedding for 100 and it would not go over $1,000 I could probably do it for less than that...and it would still be fun. Cake, Flowers pics and all. the food could be potluck and a lot better than some catered weddings I've been to, dress...heard of 2nd hand stores I mean really think of how many times you wear it.
Rings again pawn shop. Photography..If you own a computer well that takes care of that. Flowers are everywhere..even fake's look good these days...(rings too) and as far as a location look around you... in the famous words of Glenda from Wizard of Oz "your own backyard."
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10-23-2008 @ 1:28PM
Brandi said...
I'm getting married next September and have set my budget at a firm 6000 and refuse to go over. I just dont see why a wedding should have to cost so much. I've already found my venue, a beautiful bed and breakfast, and a photographer and I've only spent 2800. The bed and breakfast supplies everything! From the cake to flowers and decor. They're even doing a heavy appetizer reception. My guest list is rather small, 25 of my closest friends and family so that helps. The key is to set a budget and don't move from that set budget.
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10-23-2008 @ 1:48PM
rick said...
Recently got engaged, looked into a Disneyland wedding, but at $10,000 minimum to $45.000 that's just way out of our league. We are older (50) and want a nice reasonible ($2000 t0 3000)wedding so now were looking into a cruise ship wwedding, and or Hawaii, on the beach, small quaint and nice. we will see what happens. Looking for Ideas
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10-23-2008 @ 2:00PM
Chambers said...
This article must be from some retro alter-world? I just spent $250,000 on my daughter's wedding. The photographer alone cost $25,000.
Yes, I knew I was paying a lot, in fact, overpaying a lot. But, I don't regret a dime of it. It was a spectacular wedding and worth every penny.
BTW, I would have lost every dime of that money in the stock market in the ensuing weeks/months (wedding was in May) if I wouldn't have spent it. That has made it even more satisfying.
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10-26-2008 @ 10:29AM
Terri said...
Are you serious? If you spent .005% of your net worth on this wedding, that means you are worth $5B. If that's the case, then yes you could easily have afforded more if you so desired. Congratulations. But is your actual net worth is $5M or $50M or $500M, it's obvious your spouse made the money to give you that net worth or your have "family" money, since you can't do simple math.
More to the point is this article was about the high cost of the average wedding for the average person. So was the point of your comment to put down those who can't afford such luxuries or to say "look at me, I paid $250K for my daughter's wedding or to assuage you own guilt at spending $250K for a wedding since your stock market portfolio is down? My guess is both. Pretty sad commentary on your life.
11-23-2008 @ 4:35PM
Stacey said...
Perhaps you are confused...This blog is about how it's possible to spend less money on weddings. Instead of including tips like everyone else, you come and post a meaningless comment about spending a quarter of a million dollars on your daughters wedding. What exactly was the point of your comment? Were you trying to impress us? Trying to make yourself look good by making others feel inferior to you is, at best, immature. I agree with Terri....you are sad.