15 ways to ruin your financial future: Don't discuss money with your betrothed
Filed under: Debt
I married for love, not money, but I wished I had asked my husband more questions about the latter before we tied the knot. It wasn't until after the wedding that I learned about his six-figure student loans and credit-card balance of $15,000. For someone who prides herself on paying off her card balance every month, it was a shocker.Based on the fights we've had, I can easily believe the stats showing most divorces are caused by money battles. If you're not seeing eye-to-eye on money matters, not only could your marriage go down the tubes, so could your own financial future. That's why it's so important, whether you're engaged or already married, to have the "money talk."
Don't miss the rest of our series on 15 Ways to Ruin Your Financial Future!
It's best to have it in a neutral setting and at a time when there's no particular money issue at hand -- I took him on a weekend camping trip and brought a bottle of wine. Here are some good questions to ask each other:* Where do you see us in five, 10, 20 years?
* What are your assets and liabilities?
* What does your credit report look like?
* How should we tackle debt?
* Should we keep our finances separate, or should we combine all or some of them?
* How will we handle spending decisions? Should we talk daily, weekly, or have a monthly sitdown?
* Who should be the primary bill-payer, and who should prepare the taxes?
* What's your idea of an ideal retirement?
* What kind of investments do you have?
* What type of financial risk is acceptable for investments?
* What kind of insurance do we need to get?
As the sun set over the Sierras, we agreed on some spending and savings goals. Back home, we ordered our credit reports and created a budget. One goal is to ensure our joint credit is good enough to buy a home, but just to be on the safe side, I got my own credit card. That's my mandate to every spouse -- if the worst happens with divorce or a spouse death, it's tough to get a loan or credit card if you haven't built up your own separate credit history.
Another thing that works for us -- keeping a joint household account and separate accounts for our personal spending. That reduces the fights about why his wanting a motorcycle and my wanting a vacation in Panama is so dumb; we can just save for them on our own. You can share all your money secrets, you just don't have to share all your money.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
9-24-2008 @ 8:17AM
Marc Butz said...
Going to give this a try. I don't have a lot of money left to keep helping make my wife's payments, as she continues to get loans - although I think that she stopped going to those payday or quick loan stores.
Oh well, have to keep working at it.
Reply
9-25-2008 @ 11:47AM
hegy said...
this is dispicable.
Reply
9-24-2008 @ 12:28PM
Roxie said...
Yea that does have alot to do with going broke, but just one thing they didn't add is that online poker really helps to go broke super fast. Not to mention it also helps the economy to go broke too. Max out the credit cards then start using your pay check from the debt card, then you don't have any money to even buy groceries, let alone paying your credit card bills.
Reply
9-24-2008 @ 2:07PM
Linda said...
Boy can I attest to this one. I tried to have the "money talk" several times and kept hearing "we'll be okay." Why oh why didn't I investigate it further? Instead we got married, and 6 months later, after not seeing any bills come to the house, I inquired. It was then I found some other woman was controlling his checkbook and paying his credit card bill which she had co-signed. Finally, after many "discussions" I learned he was $40,000 in debt, and the IRS was after him. I felt deceived and contacted my attorney. We divorced.
Reply
9-25-2008 @ 3:03PM
Dino said...
ok...ok...all of the pre-marriage discussions sound very good, BUT, when you are dating and become serious about marriage most people are on good behavior. my situation: after 2 years her credit card total went from 2 to 8 those balances totaled 35,000. my point is: she didn't stick to the PLANS we shared and agreed to because cicumstances changed and she lost control. luckily we have separate accounts on everything. but i paid half of her bill and sent her to counciling. no money matters will EVER cause me to leave my woman.
Reply
9-28-2008 @ 3:32PM
timmyJL said...
You are the MAN! Sticking by your woman makes you the man in my book!
9-25-2008 @ 3:14PM
Dino said...
ok...ok...all of the pre-marriage discussions sound very good, BUT,when you are dating and become serious about marriage most people areon good behavior. my situation: after 2 years her credit card totalwent from 2 to 8 those balances totaled 35,000. my point is: she didn't stick to the PLANS we shared and agreed to because cicumstances changed and she lost control. luckily we have separate accounts on everything. but i paid half of her bill and sent her to counciling. no money matters will EVER cause me to leave my woman.
Reply
9-28-2008 @ 11:21PM
j said...
I guess it's all how you look at money.
I grew up well, didn't want for much, and don't buy alot- when I do it is usually at such a discount you can see Lincoln twice on the penny (and I still live very well). My wife didn't.
My life lesson learned was the richest people are usually the cheapest people. I find myself having trouble teaching this to my wife does she buy things at a bargin- yes, but it's not always things we need- and after a while all those bargins start to become real money. Her attitude has been she works hard she should be able to spend it how she wants- fine I agree, I work hard too, but you have to realize that when you spend your money on A you need to give up being able to buy B. My wife doesn't always see that. After years of trying to save to do things (then when the time comes and seeing the money was spent paying for something else so what we were supposed to pay for we'd do on credit) I finally decided to do things the hard way and tied up all of our savings and got both of us to cut back on the credit. Has it been an easy year- no. But we are learning to get thru it. Paying off our credit and learning to get by on what we make (and this has not been an easy year for that). We fight about money alot- but I know if we can get thru this now that it will be easier for both of us in the future.And isn't that what it's all about?
PS Any ideas on how to break her from the notion of needing to keep up w/ the Jonses would be appreciated.
Reply
9-28-2008 @ 3:32PM
timmyJL said...
You can follow advice from our church ... funny HUH?
www.mavunochurch.org. Go listen to this months sermon series.
timmyJL