Elizabeth Edwards: Is money why women stay when husbands stray?
Filed under: Saving, Health, Wealth, Relationships
Elizabeth Edwards is on the cover of the latest People Magazine and offers a candid interview inside of the anguish, pain, and decisions that she faced after learning of her husband's affair with a former campaign aide, Rielle Hunter. Recognizing that she has been diagnosed with a terminal illness that could leave her three children without a mother was reportedly a factor in her decision to stay in the marriage.
Children are one of the reasons that women stay in a marriage where a husband has strayed, but it shouldn't be the only reason. Women's income generally drops an average of 16% while a man's increases by 23% according to the NY Times. They often don't have the earning power of their spouses or may have been out of the workforce due to the demands of child raising.
I have seen this happen to a number of women referred to me for counseling. Married 20, 30, or even 40 years, they receive advice from another counselor to get out of the marriage due to a philandering husband. While such advice may be good for the ego, it can be very bad for long term financial security.
I had one woman who divorced in her early sixties after being advised by professionals. Not only was her husband able to finance a high powered lawyer to protect his assets, he had sheltered money for years without her knowledge. He really did not want the divorce and my client would have been much better off just moving out and staying in the marriage.
While straying husbands are a very tragic and difficult circumstance, women should think twice before bailing. Like one woman I know who has outlived three husbands states, "Now I collect social security on all three!"
Barbara Bartlein is the People Pro and the author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? Overcoming the Myths That Hinder a Happy Marriage. For more relationship tips the expert use, please visit Marriage Tips. For Barb's FREE e-mail newsletter, please visit The People Pro.
Recent Posts
- Changing careers: Tips from someone who's been there (11/22/2008)
- What's out: Bar hopping. What's in: Pre-gaming. (11/22/2008)
- More Black Friday news: Kohl's is the lastest to promise steep discounts (11/21/2008)
- On Sunday, Dr Pepper gives America a free soda...thanks to Axl Rose (11/21/2008)
- Now's another good time to sell your gold (11/21/2008)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
8-26-2008 @ 3:58PM
carol said...
I don't know, but I have absolutely no respect for women like her who use their sickness, kids, money, or whatever the frickin excuse is this week, as a reason not to leave. The fact is that women like her believe they have little worth and continually devalue & undermine themselves, as well as having very low self esteem. But if they don't respect themselves enough to know better and act when they are betrayed, and allowing themselves to be treated like a door mat, then that's exactly the way people are going to treat her. She may be getting some tea & sympathy right now, but when she is recovered she will experience a whole lot of back lash from a whole lot of women who value their worth in this world, myself included!
Reply
8-27-2008 @ 5:12PM
Deb said...
To me, staying with a cheating spouse is the ultimate payback. Why should I suffer financially as well as emotionally? Leaving would not be my option, but separate rooms would. I'd hold on to the assets and just get me a boy toy!
10-16-2008 @ 11:30PM
Jean said...
I know for a fact that there is not enough support for a woman with limited income to come to the table and get a level playing field in the case of a divorce. We are certainly not Mrs. Michael Jordan, whose lawyer know that he is going to get a large fee for representation.
I have been divorced for about 5 years and I was adwarded alimony, for three years..., and I never received a dime. This was all tied into my child support payment. My ex filed a Pro Se motion with the courts in the state of Arkansas to close my case because he felt like he had over paid me, which was not true. I have not recovered yet, I was homeless because he refused to move, unemployed, hungry, with a teenage daughter, who had to have a physical address in order to attend public school. Debt and oh my God Debt...here come the IRS. There was no legal assistance program where I was located. The lawyer who took my case wanted a $600.00 retainer fee that seen like extra tall mountains. I have not been to see a doctor and I am ashame to say how long ago it has been. I have been experiencing pain in my right side of my stomach area and to be quite frank I i am so afraid, and I just tired of being afraid.
Reply