Recession special: Are women dating for free food?
Filed under: Sex Sells, Extracurriculars, Food, Ripoffs and Scams, Relationships, Recession
In my never-ending quest for cool things to write about, I read (or at least scan) three or four newspapers a day. One major trend that I've noticed in the New York papers is what I call the "how yuppies survive a recession" column.
Every time the news is a little slow, I see yet another article featuring some fresh-faced Manhattan-dwelling Steve Stifflip or Polly Patrician who is considering the move to (gasp!) Brooklyn or even (double gasp!) Queens. He or she whines about the miseries of making ends meet on a mere $80,000 a year, not being able to afford organic radicchio, only being able to eat out once or twice a week, and having to postpone this year's trip to Europe. As I slog through this nonsense, I find myself wondering if I could get a bill passed that would make it legal to eat the rich.
Sometimes I hate people. There, I've said it.
Recently, though, I've seen a new low. In an article in AM New York, a young lady who lives in Central Park West (a very ritzy neighborhood) talked about how she's surviving the recession. In addition to attending book signings, free museum days, and other inexpensive outings, she noted that she's "Really upped the dating [...] I tend to date chivalrous types who can take me out to nice places. It's helped me survive the recession."
Hold on a minute: did she say what I think she said? Admittedly, I've been out of the dating pool for a couple of years, but since when is this legit? Granted, I bought a lot of meals for potential girlfriends, but, after the first couple of outings, most of the women that I dated became uncomfortable with the patriarchal aspects of the "man paying for dinner" phenomenon. We'd alternate, go dutch, or make home-cooked meals for each other. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but using your date as a source for free food seems particularly mercenary. At what point did it become acceptable to use a young swain to subsidize one's food expenditures? More to the point, I have to wonder if this young women's gentlemen callers read AM New York!
Basically, my biggest question is this: is this a new trend or the world's oldest profession?
Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. He has his standards: he won't put out if someone takes him to Mickey D's. It's Wendy's or nothing, baby!
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
5-23-2008 @ 11:14AM
Joanne Logan said...
I see nothing wrong with girls going out on a date and having some good eats. The reason being that men
always tend to offer a drink before they offer food. So if it is that they should slip and offer food yea what the heck go for it! I myself would prefer that the guys on a date
offer food instead of the drink because they're the first
ones to complain how skinny she is, but if you guys don't take the initiative and offer us food instead of the drink how in the world would we look plump and elegant rather
than like a dressed up broomstick.
Reply
5-23-2008 @ 11:22AM
Bruce Watson said...
Joanne-
Wow, I don't know where to begin...
I agree with you that there's nothing wrong with a girl getting some good eats out of a date. Sharing some conversation and a few laughs over a great meal is practically the definition of a fun date. My problem lies with women choosing their dates based on the restaurants that they can go to and using dating as a way to get fed. Basically, this sounds pretty exploitative to me, particularly when you think about the fact that a "nice place" in New York generally runs upwards of $100 bucks per person.
If you want to enjoy a good meal with a date, more power to you! However, there's a word for women who choose their dates based on the meals that they will get. It starts with a "p" and rhymes with "Brostitute."
5-23-2008 @ 11:23AM
Joanne Logan said...
Young ladies my word of advice to you is to make sure that when you leave your parents home for a date that you at least drink as much as possible so that when he offers you a drink you can say quite nicely i already had one. Is it possible that we could have some appetizers instead? That should do the trick, since appetizers tend to open your appetite and he would end up ordering a whole meal. Unless he don't really have money or is is a real cheapskate by which time you hope
he would not stop at the appetizers, because by this time you would have gotten to his belly too and he would be feeling just a tee bit hungry. Good eats, polite conversation and a little humor always does the trick.
Reply
5-23-2008 @ 12:10PM
Gary E. Sattler said...
Guys, my advice is this:
Before you go out on a date with a babe who might be playing you just for a glance at the menu, fill your gullet with hot wings, fries and a couple beers. Then when the lady starts hinting that she's hungry, point to the dining room and tell her they'll feed her in there, while you wait at the bar.
Of course, a menu won't be the only thing you won't be getting a look at that evening...
Reply
5-23-2008 @ 1:06PM
Bruce Watson said...
Gary, you're a real charmer!
5-23-2008 @ 2:08PM
Frank said...
Yeah, if you are a man, it is a double scam these days, because the young lady you are spending all this money on for dinner isnt going to give up any goods in return for a couple of nice dinners, like the old days. Today's woman is all gold digger, and you aint got enough gold to get some of that good stuff, unless you are talking marriage, and at the end of the night, you are going to end up in front of the tv with a porn video, or in a stip club. Women are the new "sexless generation" when it come to taking care of a man! The only ones getting sex after a dinner date these days is when one woman takes another woman out for dinner!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
5-23-2008 @ 2:27PM
Max said...
This is in reply to the comment posted by Joanne Logan.
It seems like not only do you not have much education, but not much self-respect either. Women like yourself give today's women a bad name. Any self-respecting woman wouldn't go on a date to just get a free meal; if you want a free meal go to the soup kitchen. Now, I am not saying that men should go on dates expecting to get laid, but I think everything in life is a two-way road. In my opinion everything should be equal, but if a woman is going to take a trip to the "soup kitchen", she should bring her parents along as she is as independent as a fetus.
Reply
5-26-2008 @ 9:20PM
Kandisa2 said...
Ok I have never responded to any of these "blogs", but this one hit home. I was asked out on a date one time, met the man at the restaurant, and when it came time to pay the bill, he couldn't pay my portion. he was embarrassed, I was embarrassed, and needless to say, even though he apologized, there was no second date. Call me old fashioned, or over the hill ( I am 58 )....but here is a suggestion.
Why not a "meet and greet" for the first date. maybe coffee at Starbucks or some other great little coffee shop. if you enjoy each other, maybe the next date, a little more....but still not expensive ( think Ihop ) or even a picnic that the MAN makes....how romantic and clever is THAT?...if she likes you, she will accept it...if not, you know what she wants. Save the big expensive dinners for a time when you both are involved!!
Reply
5-26-2008 @ 9:22PM
Bruce Watson said...
Kandisa-
Your suggestion seems both thoughtful and sincere. Personally, I've always had enough money on hand to cover both checks, and my general rule of thumb is that if I ask a woman out, I am responsible for paying for her meal.
I like the picnic idea--I've often utilized it!
Thanks for dropping in!
5-29-2008 @ 3:48PM
mslady said...
The fact that you are debating about paying for someone you take out to dinner just goes to show that you are indeed a cheapskate. I wonder if you would feel that way if your mom or sister were being taken out on dates.
Dutch=cheapskate
The man should always pay.
The problem is that men look at everything as an investment...and when an investment doesn't return they get bitter.
Reply
5-27-2008 @ 11:37PM
Bruce Watson said...
Mslady-
Interesting perspective. Personally, I've never minded buying a meal or two, but I don't like being taken for granted. And, frankly, if you want to use the term "cheapskate," then there is an assumed purchase. What, exactly, am I buying?
Actually, I have three sisters, and I always advised them to bring enough money to cover their meals. So far, it's served them all very nicely.
5-31-2008 @ 1:26PM
Equality said...
The man should always pay? Why? Is that your idea of fair? Gender equality? You know it's not equality and you know that you are capitalizing on a double standard. Somehow you have convinced yourself that taking advantage of another person is acceptable. Ask yourself if that is the person you really want to be.
5-31-2008 @ 5:35PM
Equality said...
The man should always pay? Why? Is that your idea of fair? Gender equality? You know it's not equality and you know that you are capitalizing on a double standard. Somehow you have convinced yourself that taking advantage of another person is acceptable. Ask yourself if that is the person you really want to be.
6-04-2008 @ 11:41AM
MrsPriss said...
I can't believe how many woman are shady like that!
Some of these comments had my jaw on the floor. Woman want equality. Woman gets equality. Woman makes man pay. Are we almost full circle yet?
Reply
6-04-2008 @ 11:45AM
Bruce Watson said...
Mrs. Priss-
Thank you! I think you've more or less nailed my problem with this. If equality is a worthwhile, realistic goal--and I think it is--then we need to treat it as such. Equality should be in effect both when it benefits the woman AND when it benefits the man. I feel like that's the only way that we'll ever reach true women's liberation!
6-09-2008 @ 1:56PM
inky said...
If the guy is willing to offer these free meals, why shouldn't the woman accept them?
After all, if a woman is willing to offer free sex to the guy, wouldn't he accept it, regardless of whether or not he's otherwise interested in her?
Reply
6-09-2008 @ 12:21PM
Bruce Watson said...
Inky-
Fair point, I suppose. My concern is when the woman starts seeking out partners based on the free food.
Apart from that, though, the transaction that you're suggesting is, basically, prostitution, although with a few layers of obscurity between the cash and the sex.
Finally, you seem to have an underlying message that sex is something that women give to men, rather than something that they enjoy together. While this IS the dominant perception of American society, I would like to see women's liberation proceed to the point that we could erase this particular belief!
6-09-2008 @ 6:27PM
inky said...
Bruce-
I agree with you. Maybe we are old school in that regard.
For me, there are two standards. One is what I observe often (hear about, read about, see happening, etc.) and the other is what I strive to actually do according to what I feel is right or wrong. I try (try, at least!) not to judge others, and let them be; at least until they begin to whine about their situation.
I see sex as something to share, not give or withhold as if it's a commodity. I never "gave" it, without expecting my own satisfaction in it as well. Also, I never expected to be "paid for" and resented any attempts to do so. I realize that doesn't seem to be a mainstream attitude, though.
Dating, I think, *should* be equal as far as taking turns paying for meals or whatever.
How to actually change society as a whole (no pun intended), I do not know. If women offer sex to guys who offer food/money/etc., and vice-versa, I guess that's their business.
I put a high value on heartfelt conversation over a nice meal, and also on mutually-enjoyed sex. The rewards are tremendous when they're shared. Damn, my age is showing, isn't it?!! :-)
Reply
6-09-2008 @ 6:30PM
Bruce Watson said...
Inky-
I guess we're both getting older; I see situations like this one and feel like our society is encouraging us to turn ourselves into commodities, in which we sell our talents, our company, our time, our whatever, for the highest bidder. It's a trend to be fought!
Thanks for the thoughtful commentary!
6-11-2008 @ 10:55AM
playnjayne said...
I really don't see the problem? Guys use me all the time. They know darn well they aren't interested in me and see absolutely no interest in developing a relationship. They use my time just to meet a pretty girl and possibly get laid. What is the difference between that and a girl who is looking for free meals?
Reply