||The decision to have children should not be based on how much wealth one has.||

Yeah, it kinda should. No one should be having kids they can't afford to raise. Especially if they expect the rest of us to foot the bill.

Boots - agree to your point. I should have clarified it further. My response was focused on the wealthy having children just because they can afford them. It's true that everyone should consider ALL aspects of having children, including NOT being able to afford them.

The decision to have children SHOULD be based on income and how much wealth you have. If you are dirt poor and can't provide for yourself, how are you going to provide for a child that is completly dependant on YOU and your wealth??? Oh, that's right, I will pay into the government system with my job and pay for others children.

Elaine:
As a former at-home mom with three healthy kids and a less than ideal former spouse, I can relate to your situation. While I regret the years wasted with my X, I'll never regret my incredible children. They qualify for free school lunch and I humbled myself to apply. It's not easy to raise a family on your own, but with humor and faith, you CAN do it. Good luck!

Well at least your parents raised you not to be judgemental. oh wait...

I understand where you're coming from. Idealism is easy at your age and with the examples you were given. Please try to forgive others who were NOT given those lessons early on and who learned by making mistakes in life. God willing, you will live a perfect life with no regrets.

I hope to raise my own children with your strong sense of integrity and ideals -- but also with an added abundance of grace towards others that were not so blessed.

Look, I really didn't expect you to be old. That comment was incredibly immature, and incredibly spoiled. I'm 3 years younger than you are and I can see that. You don't need to pay a marriage counselor, you just need to bring any honest 3rd party who knows you both and talk with them about your marriage. Family members on both sides, friends of both of you,etc. You just also need to realistically assess your relationship and remember not to marry to young or too soon into the relationship. None of those things cost money. I didn't go to the best school, but I also took the time to read and study beyond the classroom. Making learning fun at an early age is a must for parents. If you treat homework like a chore when the kids is 5 they'll treat it like a chore when they are 16. You also don't need an Roth IRA any type of college fund. If you are try hard in high school, you'll get a high GPA. Retake the ACT/SAT as many times as necessary to get a good score, and apply for college early and you will get enough financial aid to cover almost all of your expenses, if not all of them. If that doesn't work, than their is nothing wrong with working during schooling. It actually builds character and keeps you form partying too much. You also don't need music and sports to be a well rounded individual. Nurture a kids creative side, if writing fantasy novels is their thing, sign them up for creative writing workshops at the library. (which don't cost a dime) You can be a good parent without money, and you can be well rounded. This whole you need Roth IRAs and College Funds and College Prep Schools just smacks of a superiority complex. You're the one thats not well rounded if you can't see the good well rounded people come from different cultures, different ECONOMIC CLASSES, etc. People don't have to grow up the way you did to be well rounded.

Grow Up

Olivia, although I agree that people need to realize what it takes to properly raise a child, some of your ideas are simply too radical.

There are some cases where an uneducated, low-income woman ends up pregnant unintentionally. Blame it on abstinence-only education, lack of resources, whatever. The point is that it happens, and all those suggestions about what to do before you decide to have kids is a moot point because it's already on its way. SO, there are only three options: an abortion (which can be difficult and expensive to obtain if your state does not fund them), giving the child up for adoption, or keeping the child and doing the best that she can. I simply cannot bring myself to put down women in this situation who decide to take responsibility and raise the child, despite low-income. That to me is a huge sacrifice, larger than an upper-middle class family paying for their kids' tutor.

I think that a caring, supportive environment is much more important in raising children than college prep schools. Teaching your children good values will help them succeed despite a "lacking" public education. I have been in public schools my entire life, and they were by no means considered the best, but I'm attending a great college with a scholarship (based on merit alone) along with many of those privately educated students. Also, my stepbrother and his wife are both dentists (he an oral surgeon, she a pediatric dentist) and he went through public schools while she attended private. So clearly, we can all end up just as successful without having an expensive education.

Also, it is alarming that there are so many divorces, but sometimes I just think that it's great how people are now realizing that they don't have to be unhappily married if it isn't working out. I am a child with divorced parents, and I have always thought that it was the best thing. I hate that "stay together for the kids" BS because the kids will benefit more from having two happy, separated parents than miserable married ones. I feel that in some cases, staying together is burdening your children with your problems more than divorce. In no way am I endorsing people to take marriage and child raising lightly, but not everybody is going to have that idyllic picture of a family, and that's okay.

Olivia - Just so you know, the whole concept of going to college, making a career for yourself, and THEN having kids, is a new one my dear. It's a Generation X idea..to make your money and spoil yourself stupid, and then raise a family. I agree you should be able to afford a child before you have one, but you're speaking of an ideal world where the job market isn't in a recession. You sound a bit spoiled and nieve yourself, as if trips and a full schedule of activities is going to result in a well rounded individual. That is up to the individual, and there are other ways besides trips and classes to know about the world. And that comment about giving your children cars to get there..LMAO..I will never GIVE my child a car and it will never be expected. My child will have to work for what she wants, and I will help any way I see fit. Maybe teaching her values, morals, and a realisitic perspective on life will leave her much less judgemental than you, and she will know life doesn't HAND you everything. Just because you have money in the bank doesn't make you any less of a mediocre parent.

I read your comment and I certainly didnt think you were old, I could clearly see your thinking was that of an immature havent lived long enough on this planet to possibly be able to pass judgement on anyone kind of a person. I remember feeling that same way when I was 23 I was going to do things differently.... I was never going to get divorced I was going to be my kids best friend I was going to let my children live their lives the way they wanted to. Then I got married had children, and my then husband realized marriage was not what he wanted.... so goes life I was a single mom for 10years worked my butt off to give my kids what they needed and wanted I bought my own house with money that I earned in a town that was listed in Money magazines 100 best towns to live, where my children do not need to go to prep school and where guns arent a major fear or concern. although my daughters decision was to go to prep only because she had friends going. She goes on partial scholarship and is looking forward to becoming a dr someday. Her mind could change as she is only 15 my oldest decided to stay with the public school on which my 9k per year taxes pay for I I recently got remarried to someone who also owns their own home and paid his own way through college without student loans we are now expecting our second child together and raising them to be open minded kind hearted and self sufficient human beings I pray they have the guts to say and feel the way they do when they are 23 but I also hope that I teach them several lessons in their lives..... 1. Life is way too short to live with any regrets 2. Do what makes you happy not what makes you rich. 3. No matter what they think they know..... always understand that someone out there knows better. and btw I didnt have parenting classes.......